Friday May 22, 2026
EP 286.5: Why 'I'm Trying' Guarantees Recovery Failure ~The Neuroscience Every Woman Needs to Know **Must Listen Fav!**
If you've been saying "I'm trying to recover" for months or years, this episode will completely change how you approach your healing journey.
Today we're diving into the science behind why the phrase "I'm trying" is literally programming your brain for partial commitment—and why that guarantees you'l stay stuck. This isn't about willpower or motivation; it's about understanding how your language creates neural pathways that either support or sabotage your recovery.
In this game-changing episode, you'll discover:
- The neuroscience behind why "trying" keeps you in limbo
- How decision defaulting protects you from commitment (and healing)
- Why your undernourished brain struggles with decisive action
- The trauma response component that makes decisions feel dangerous
- Two powerful exercises to shift from trying to deciding
- Real client stories of transformation through decisive language
Warning: This episode will make you uncomfortable with your own excuses—and that's exactly the point.
THE DECISION DEFAULTING TRAP
Decision defaulting: When you avoid making definitive choices because not deciding feels safer than deciding "wrong."
Sound familiar?
- "I'm trying to eat more"
- "I'm trying to stop restricting"
- "I'm trying to get better"
- "I'm thinking about getting help"
Every time you say "I'm trying," you're leaving yourself an escape route. You're keeping one foot in and one foot out, protecting yourself from the vulnerability of full commitment.
The raw truth: Trying is just a socially acceptable way of avoiding responsibility for your choices.
THE NEUROSCIENCE OF "TRYING"
Dr. Carol Dweck's research shows: The words we use create neural pathways that either support or sabotage our goals. When we use tentative language like "trying," we're literally programming our brains for partial commitment.
What your brain hears:
- "I'm trying to eat breakfast" = "I'm not really committed to eating breakfast"
- "I'm trying to stop restricting" = "I'm keeping my options open to restrict if things get uncomfortable"
From a neurological standpoint: Definitive decisions require activation of the prefrontal cortex (executive functioning). But when you're undernourished or in chronic stress from disordered eating, this brain region is compromised.
Decision defaulting feels easier because it requires less energy.
THE TRAUMA RESPONSE COMPONENT
Many people with eating disorders have histories of choices being criticized, controlled, or dismissed.
Decision defaulting becomes a protective mechanism: If you never fully commit to a choice, no one can tell you your choice was wrong.
Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion shows: People who struggle with decision-making often have internalized critical voices that make them afraid of imperfection.
The eating disorder amplifies this by convincing you every decision must be perfect—so it's safer to not decide at all.
CLIENT STORY: BRITTANY'S BREAKTHROUGH
Brittany came to coaching after 3 years of "trying to recover." She'd been in therapy multiple times, bought every book, started and stopped countless times.
When asked what she wanted from coaching: "I want to try to finally get better."
The intervention: "Brittany, you've been trying for three years. How's that working for you?"
The realization: All her trying had actually kept her trying.
The shift: From "I'm trying to recover" to "I'm deciding to use my resources and trust the path."
The results: Within 6 months—weight restoration, rebuilt relationships, career changes she'd put on hold.
THE POWER OF IMPLEMENTATION INTENTION
Research by Dr. Peter Gollwitzer shows: People who use implementation intentions (decisive language) are 2-3 times more likely to follow through than those who rely on general intentions.
Instead of leaving actions up to willpower, you're pre-committing to specific choices.
THE LANGUAGE SHIFTS:
OLD: "I'm trying to eat regular meals"
NEW: "I'm deciding to eat breakfast tomorrow, lunch at noon, dinner in the evening—regardless of how I feel"
OLD: "I'm trying to exercise less"
NEW: "I'm deciding to take two complete rest days this week and limit exercise by 30 minutes"
OLD: "I'm thinking about getting help"
NEW: "I'm deciding to talk to three support professionals this week"
WHY YOUR EATING DISORDER LOVES "TRYING"
Your eating disorder wants you to keep trying. It wants you in the wishy-washy space where you're sort of committed but not really.
As long as you're trying, you're not a real threat to its control.
When you start deciding—making firm commitments and following through regardless of feelings—that's when your eating disorder panics.
That's when recovery becomes inevitable.
THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL
Decision defaulting gives you an illusion of control:
- You think you're keeping options open
- You think you're staying flexible
- You think you're being logical
What you're actually doing: Giving your power away to circumstances, other people, or the eating disorder voice.
Real control comes from making conscious choices and taking responsibility for outcomes.
CLIENT STORY: MARIA'S THERAPIST SEARCH
Maria spent years researching therapists but never booked appointments. She was terrified that choosing the "wrong" person would confirm she was beyond help.
The reframe: From "I need to find the perfect therapist" to "I'm deciding to take action toward support and will adjust as I learn."
Within a week: Started coaching. Within a month: Real progress.
None of this would have happened in decision default mode.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Trying is just a socially acceptable way of avoiding responsibility for your choices."
💛 "Every time you say 'I'm trying,' you're leaving yourself an escape route."
💛 "Your eating disorder wants you to keep trying—it wants you in wishy-washy space."
💛 "When you start deciding, your eating disorder starts to panic."
💛 "Decision defaulting feels easier because it requires less energy, but you're giving your power away."
💛 "Not choosing is a choice—you're deciding to stay where you are."
💛 "The power isn't in making perfect decisions. The power is in making decisions and sticking with them."
THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE: CHOOSE YOUR PATH
Option 1: The Immediate Action Decision
- Choose one thing you've been "trying" to do
- Write: "I am deciding to _______"
- Take one concrete action within 24 hours
Option 2: The Support Decision
- If you've been "thinking about" getting help, make a decision
- Either decide to take action and schedule consultations
- Or decide you're not—and stop torturing yourself with "maybe someday"
Both options require you to stop defaulting and start deciding.
THE BRAIN'S TESTING PHASE
When you make a real decision, your brain will immediately generate reasons to change your mind. This is normal—your brain is testing whether you're serious.
Don't negotiate. Don't revisit. Don't second-guess.
Just follow through and notice how empowering that feels.
👉 1:1 Coaching - Submit application at www.herbestself.co
Remember: You don't have to be enough. You never did.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
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Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
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