Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol | Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast — Less Food Noise. More Life.

EP 288.5: Why You Care So Much About What Others Think & How Fear of Rejection Is Feeding Your Eating Disorder

If you constantly worry about what others think, this episode is for you sis! What you might not realize is how your need for approval is actually feeding your eating disorder.
Today we're uncovering the hidden connection between people-pleasing, fear of rejection, and disordered eating patterns. You'll discover why caring so much about others' opinions keeps you trapped—and how to turn your past rejection into your recovery redirection.
In this transformational episode, you'll discover:
Why eating disorders are bred from fear of rejection and "not being enough"
How your need for approval is actually feeding your disorder
The Eleanor Roosevelt truth that changes everything
Why rejection is actually God's protection and redirection
How to stop letting others' opinions control your recovery
The bounce-back superpower that transforms rejection into recovery fuel
How to grieve rejection and change its meaning over your life
For the woman ready to stop living for others and start healing for herself.
THE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT FOUNDATION
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
We spend every waking hour worrying:
What are others thinking?
Am I good enough? Small enough?
Will I fit in? Will they like me?
Are they okay with my choices?
It's time to stop. Time to take your power back.
The truth: No one can make you feel inferior unless you're giving them that power.
HOW REJECTION FEEDS EATING DISORDERS
Eating disorders are derived from establishing unhealthy coping mechanisms when you need control, safety, and escape.
Core ED issues:
Control and perfection
Negative coping behaviors
Disconnection and isolation
The ED voice becoming your "friend"—your worst enemy in disguise
The real trap: Eating disorders become a mask to prevent being fully seen, a false protection mechanism over your authentic self.
Over time, you don't know who you are anymore—so worried about what others think that you don't know what YOU think.
THE REJECTION-EATING DISORDER CYCLE
Maybe you learned early: Only seen when you performed well, when you sucked in your stomach, when you stood up straight.
Maybe you took pride in being liked and would do anything to make that happen.
Maybe you were: Bullied, left out, abandoned, betrayed.
So you overachieved, overworked, over-controlled to make others happy because it gave you false purpose.
This created the monster belief: If you're smaller, thinner, faster, stronger—then you're better.
Rejection validated your feelings about yourself, diminishing your self-worth.
THE "BOO VS. APPLAUSE" TRUTH
"A boo is not any louder than applause."
If you're on stage with purpose in your heart, knowing your truth, you can hear your own applause louder than the world's boos.
But when you hear that boo, you make it mean something about your worth—when it's just someone else's opinion.
THE REDIRECTION FORMULA
Step 1: Acknowledge the Rejection
You must face that it happened, grieve it, target what hurts, and sit with those feelings.
Step 2: Change the Meaning
What meaning have you allowed rejection to hold over your life? That you're not enough? Not worthy? Pluck out that root.
Step 3: Use It as Redirection
Turn rejection into your opportunity for course correction—alignment with your truth and values.
Step 4: Develop Bounce-Back Power
Get good at bouncing back. Rejection isn't fatal—eating disorders are.
REJECTION AS GOD'S PROTECTION
When you're rejected, overlooked, or feel not enough:
Remember: Rejection is actually God's protection over you.
If you were meant to knock down that door, it would have opened
If that person was meant to stay in your life, they would have
They failed to see your worth, but your worth doesn't change
Rejection is just a course correction—an opportunity to dig into your power and realign with your truth.
THE "SO WHAT?" STRATEGY
When you worry about others' judgment in recovery:
"What if I fail and my husband thinks I'm a failure?"
"What if I succeed and everyone judges my weight restoration?"
Start asking: SO WHAT?
Are they living in your skin?
Are they living your life?
Are they experiencing your daily struggle?
What others say about you is none of your business.
The regret from never moving forward is more painful than rejection itself.
EATING DISORDERS THRIVE ON REJECTION
EDs are bred from:
Fear of failure
Not being enough
Not being liked
Aloneness and isolation
But here's the good news: You can use rejection as redirection power.
The process:
Acknowledge rejection happened
Grieve it fully
Change the meaning associated with it
Step into your power like you're taking over the world
KEY QUOTES
💛 "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
💛 "Rejection is your opportunity for redirection."
💛 "A boo is not any louder than applause—it's what you make it mean."
💛 "Rejection isn't fatal. Eating disorders are."
💛 "They failed to see your worth, but your worth doesn't change because of that failure."
💛 "What others say about you is really none of your business."
💛 "You're not afraid of healing—you're afraid you won't be enough."
💛 "Eating disorders are bred off rejection and thrive in aloneness."
YOUR BOUNCE-BACK CHALLENGE
This week, reflect on:
Where have you felt rejection and the sting of "not good enough"?
What meaning have you allowed rejection to hold over your life?
How can you use past rejection as redirection power?
What would change if you stopped seeking others' approval?
Remember: You're not rejected—you're going to be recovered.
Summer partnership opportunities:
👥 The Recovery Collective: Group support with women choosing to BE different—learn, heal, and grow in safe community - www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective 
👤 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support to embody the identity of freedom before you feel ready
👉 www.herbestself.co - Apply to work together this summer
Your transformation starts the moment you decide to BE her.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
 
 

EP 288: Terrified of Gaining Weight but Terrified of Staying Stuck? The Science-Backed Formula That Changes Everything🧠

You're caught between two terrors: gaining weight and staying exactly where you are forever.
You've spent years in a disordered mind with disordered thoughts creating disordered behaviors. You'll do anything to break free, but you're trying to HAVE recovery while still BEING the trapped version of yourself.
Today we're flipping the script with the Be-Do-Have formula that makes recovery inevitable.
In this transformational episode, you'll discover:
Why most people have recovery backwards (and why it keeps them stuck)
The science-backed Be-Do-Have formula that doubles success rates
How to BE recovered before you feel recovered
The identity shift that changes everything automatically
Why staying where you are is actually scarier than changing
How to stop starving for your old life and start living as your new self
For the woman ready to stop settling for survival and start choosing to thrive.
THE BACKWARDS APPROACH THAT KEEPS YOU STUCK
Most people think: "When I HAVE food freedom, then I'll DO recovery behaviors, then I'll BE recovered."
Research from Stephen Covey and modern neuroscience proves this backwards.
The truth: You must BE the person you want to become, DO what she does, then you'll HAVE what you want.
Dr. James Clear's identity research shows: People who say "I am someone who nourishes my body" have 40% higher success rates than those who say "I want to eat better."
THE BE-DO-HAVE FORMULA IN RECOVERY
BE: The woman who trusts her body completelyDO: Eat without negotiation, rest without guilt, take up spaceHAVE: Food freedom, body peace, mental clarity
BE: The woman who values nourishment over controlDO: Choose pasta at dinner, have birthday cake, skip gym when tiredHAVE: Energy, joy, presence in your own life
The scary part: You start BEING her before you feel ready, before you see results, before it feels natural.
THE SCIENCE BEHIND THE FORMULA
🧠 Neuroscience Evidence:
Neural plasticity: Your brain rewires based on identity-consistent actions
Stanford's Dr. Alia Crum: Identity changes create physiological changes
🔬 Recovery-Specific Research:
Dr. Janet Treasure: Identity-based recovery shows higher long-term success
Women who adopt "recovered person" identity maintain behaviors longer
Focus on "who you want to be" more effective than "what you want to avoid"
MY "WHAT I DON'T WANT" LIST
When my disordered brain had me confused about what I even wanted, I wrote what I DIDN'T want:
Calculate calories 
Avoid dinners because food feels scary
Exercise when exhausted to "earn" rest
Miss vacations because I can't control food
Feel guilty every time I eat something 
Live from constant food negotiation
That list became my roadmap. Sometimes you need to define what you're moving AWAY from to see where you're headed.
YES, IT'S SCARY—BUT WHAT'S SCARIER?
Changing feels terrifying: Eating without restriction, resting, trusting your body feels like jumping off a cliff.
But ask yourself:
What's scarier—changing or staying here for another year? Five years? Forever?
What's scarier—gaining weight or losing more years to this disorder?
What's scarier—the unknown of recovery or the known misery of staying trapped?
You're already living your worst-case scenario. Recovery is the way OUT.
HOW TO START BEING HER TODAY
Step 1: Get clear on who SHE is—how does the recovered you show up? What does she believe?
Step 2: Make one decision from her identity—"What would the free version of me do right now?"
Step 3: Stop negotiating—she doesn't debate lunch or calculate whether she "earned" rest
Step 4: Expect discomfort—your old identity will fight this. Keep being her anyway.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "You must BE the person you want to become, then DO what she does, then you'll HAVE what you want."
💛 "You don't have to wait to HAVE freedom to start BEING free."
💛 "Every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to become."
💛 "Your brain literally rewires to support the identity you claim."
💛 "Stop starving for your old life. Start living as your new self."
💛 "You're already living your worst-case scenario. Recovery is the way out."
💛 "Settling for starving isn't recovery—it's not even living, it's just surviving."
READY TO STOP STARVING FOR YOUR OLD LIFE?
Summer partnership opportunities:
👥 The Recovery Collective: Group support with women choosing to BE different—learn, heal, and grow in safe community - www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective 
👤 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support to embody the identity of freedom before you feel ready
👉 www.herbestself.co - Apply to work together this summer
Your transformation starts the moment you decide to BE her.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
 

EP 287.5: Am I Eating Enough or Eating Too Much? How to Know in Eating Disorder Recovery

If you've spent years in restriction, figuring out "normal" eating can feel impossible. Am I finally eating enough, or am I overeating? This confusion is more common than you think.
In today's coaching over coffee episode, we're tackling the question that keeps so many women stuck in recovery: How do you know if you're eating the right amount when your hunger cues are broken and everything feels foreign?
In this practical episode, you'll discover:
Why questioning if you need more food usually means YES, you do
How to tell the difference between normal eating and actual binge eating
The non-negotiable food framework that creates stability
Why what feels like "too much" is often just enough
Simple strategies to rebuild trust with your body's signals
The "two more bites" rule that changed everything
How to create mindful, honoring meal experiences
For the woman who's tired of questioning every bite and ready to trust her body again.
THE GOLDEN RULE: IF YOU'RE QUESTIONING, THE ANSWER IS YES
If you find yourself questioning whether you should have another bite or more food—the answer is YES.
When you've eaten enough food, you won't need to ask whether you've eaten enough food.
This simple truth cuts through the mental noise and gives you permission to trust the impulse for more.
THE RECOVERY REALITY: WHAT FEELS LIKE "TOO MUCH"
In early recovery, I thought I was binge eating when I was actually just eating normally for the first time in years.
The reality: After severe restriction, any increase in food feels like "too much" because you've never allowed yourself adequate amounts.
Ask yourself honestly:
Are you eating the whole cabinet in a trance-like state?
Or are you simply having more than you previously allowed?
Most likely, you're experiencing normal eating quantities that feel foreign after restriction—not actual binge eating.
THE NON-NEGOTIABLE FRAMEWORK
Start with the basics: Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and two snacks. Every single day. Minimum.
Coming from restriction where you skipped meals, avoided eating, or used various disorder tactics, this structure creates stability.
The volume will feel different—and that's the point. You're making up for lost time and teaching your body it can trust you again.
REBUILDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH AMOUNTS
The Observation Strategy
Watch people without eating disorders. Notice what they order, what normal portions look like, how they eat without internal negotiation.
Not for comparison—for education. This helps calibrate what "normal" actually looks like.
The Time Check Method
When questioning if you should eat: When was the last time you ate something? If it's been over an hour, that's a good opportunity for food.
The Two More Bites Rule
When you think you're "done": Take two more bites. This creates a safety buffer while giving permission to have more than restriction previously allowed.
The Food Pairing Practice
Always combine: Carb + protein + healthy fat. This fights the "good vs. bad foods" mentality while ensuring balanced nutrition.
CONSCIOUS EATING VS. RESTRICTIVE EATING
Conscious eating means:
Electronics away, work away
Sitting with feelings and thoughts that arise
Eating even when not hungry as part of your commitment
Taking pleasure in the experience
Create honoring experiences:
Set candles, buy flowers for your table
Use beautiful dinner plates
Eat around supportive people for accountability
Make mealtime sacred, not rushed
REBUILDING HUNGER CUES
Your hunger cues may be broken from years of ignoring them. Your body learned not to signal hunger because you weren't going to respond anyway.
This is normal and temporary. As you consistently nourish yourself, these signals will return.
In the meantime: Follow your meal plan regardless of hunger signals. You're rebuilding trust.
THE FOOD JOURNAL APPROACH
Instead of calorie counting or macro tracking: Use your journal to explore the eating experience.
Track feelings, not numbers:
How do I feel before the meal? (anxious, neutral, excited)
How do I feel during? (this tastes good, I'm enjoying this)
How do I feel after? (energized, satisfied, guilty, peaceful)
This builds awareness without the restriction mindset.
CHALLENGING FOOD RULES
Example: At a barbecue with burgers and buns
Old rule: "I don't eat buns" or "I just ate before coming"
Recovery challenge: Have the burger AND the bun
Ask yourself: Am I honoring what's available, or am I following old restrictions disguised as "not being hungry"?
ABUNDANCE VS. SCARCITY MINDSET
When asking "Can I have more?" check your motivation:
Scarcity mindset: "I shouldn't want more, I've had enough, I need to control this"
Abundance mindset: "My body is asking for nourishment, I can trust this signal, there's plenty of food"
Recovery operates from abundance. There's enough food. You're allowed to want more. Your body knows what it needs.
THE NICOLE HOBBS QUOTE THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING
"I do not want to be remembered as a woman who was always exhausted, always stressed, always rushing. I would like to be remembered as a relaxed woman, a compassionate woman, a woman who works hard and rests deeply, who loves fiercely and lives peacefully. A woman who knows her worth and her power, who accepts her imperfections and embraces her possibilities."
This is your best self. This is who you're becoming through recovery—a woman who honors her body without constant internal negotiation.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "If you're questioning whether you should have more food, the answer is yes."
💛 "When you've eaten enough, you won't need to ask if you've eaten enough."
💛 "What feels like binge eating is often just eating normally for the first time."
💛 "You're making up for lost time and honoring your body."
💛 "Recovery operates from abundance, not scarcity."
💛 "Your body will learn to tell you, but right now it needs consistent nourishment."
💛 "Get exploratory—it's an experiment in learning the new version of yourself."
YOUR RECOVERY EXPERIMENTS THIS WEEK
Try one of these approaches:
When questioning if you want more, take two additional bites
Pair every meal and snack with carb + protein + fat
Create one beautiful, mindful eating experience with candles/flowers
Eat around supportive people instead of isolating
Journal your before/during/after meal feelings
Remember: This is exploration, not perfection.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 287: The Truth About Life After Eating Disorder Recovery ~ 8 Life-Changing Lessons (On My Son's 8th Birthday)

What does life actually look like after eating disorder recovery? Not the Instagram version—the real, honest truth.
Today, on my youngest son's 8th birthday, I'm sharing the profound lessons recovery has taught me about life, motherhood, building a business, and navigating the beautiful mess of being fully human. These aren't platitudes or recovery clichés—they're hard-earned truths from someone living freely on the other side.
In this deeply personal episode, you'll discover:
Why your perspective determines whether thoughts become prison or power
How fear reveals inexperience, not inability
The recovery superpower that changes everything
Why everything (yes, everything) is temporary
The liberation of becoming your own rescue
How to stop wasting your most precious currency
Why healing happens through action, not perfection
How your recovery creates ripples that save other lives
For the woman wondering if recovery is worth it—this is your answer.
THE BIRTHDAY REVELATION
Yesterday, we celebrated my son turning 8. As I watched him blow out his candles, I got emotional thinking about all the birthdays I was present for him but not for myself.
But more than that—I started reflecting on everything recovery has given me beyond just freedom from food noise. Wisdom about life, relationships, business, and what really matters.
These 8 lessons aren't just about recovery—they're about living fully awake in your own life.
LESSON 1: YOUR PERSPECTIVE CAN BE YOUR POWER OR YOUR PRISON
During my disorder: My appetite = my failure. Family dinners = battlegrounds. My changing body = what I should fear above all other things.
Now: My sons appetite (and mine)= health. Dinners = connection. His growth = beautiful unfolding.
The truth: Your perspective shapes everything—how you see situations AND how you let others' opinions affect you.
Eleanor Roosevelt was right: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Recovery teaches you to withdraw that consent and choose empowering perspectives.
Your thoughts can be the walls of your prison or the wings of your freedom.
LESSON 2: FEAR COMES FROM INEXPERIENCE, NOT INCAPABILITY
Every time I was terrified to try something new in business—launching programs, raising prices, speaking—it wasn't because I couldn't do it. I just hadn't done it yet.
The eating disorder convinced me I was incapable of eating intuitively, resting without guilt, taking up space. But I wasn't incapable—I was inexperienced.
Every fear about recovery isn't proof you can't do it. It's proof you haven't experienced it yet.
The only way through inexperience is experience.
LESSON 3: RADICAL HONESTY IS YOUR RECOVERY SUPERPOWER
For years, I lied constantly:
"I'm fine" (when dying inside)
"I don't care about food" (when it consumed my thoughts)
"Recovery is easy" (when it felt impossible)
But dishonesty keeps you sick. Honesty sets you free.
Being honest with my kids about needing rest. With clients about what recovery requires. With myself about what wasn't working.
That radical honesty—about what you want, need, feel, and what must change—becomes your greatest recovery tool.
LESSON 4: EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY—THE GOOD AND THE HARD
The hard seasons pass: Teenage drama, business struggles, recovery setbacks. The beautiful moments pass too: My son's 8th birthday will never come again.
Your eating disorder feels permanent when you're in it. Recovery struggles feel endless. But they're not.
Recovery game-changer: Never ruin a good day thinking about yesterday's mistakes. One slip-up used to destroy my entire week. Now I know—yesterday's choices don't determine today's possibilities.
Everything is temporary. How do you want to spend this temporary time?
LESSON 5: YOU ARE YOUR OWN RESCUE
This sounds harsh but it's liberating: No one is coming to save you from your eating disorder. No perfect therapist, magic moment, or external circumstance.
The beautiful flip: You have everything you need inside you already.
You don't need to wait for someone else to fix, validate, or give you permission to heal.
You are the one you've been waiting for. Your recovery is your responsibility—and that's your power.
LESSON 6: TIME IS YOUR GREATEST CURRENCY
Building a business while raising kids taught me: Time is the only thing you can't make more of.
I volunteer time for causes I believe in. Invest time in relationships that matter. Spend time on fulfilling work.
But I refuse to waste time on:
Diet culture
Food obsession
Body hatred
Disorder behaviors
Every minute in your eating disorder is a minute you can't spend living your actual life.
LESSON 7: HEALING HAPPENS THROUGH ACTION, NOT PERFECTION
My kids don't grow in perfect straight lines. Some days they're wise beyond their years, other days they melt down over socks.
Recovery is the same. Some days you feel free, others you struggle with old thoughts.
The key insight: You can't think your way to recovery. You have to live your way there.
I didn't positive-think my way to food freedom. I acted my way there:
Ate when I didn't want to
Rested when it felt wrong
Took up space when I wanted to shrink
Your thinking changes to match your actions—not the other way around.
LESSON 8: YOUR RECOVERY RIPPLES INTO THE WORLD
When you recover loudly, you keep others from dying quietly.
Your recovery matters beyond just you:
Every woman who realizes she's not alone
Every mother who models food freedom for her daughter
Every person who chooses life over disorder
Share this podcast. Share your story. Recover loudly so others know freedom is possible.
THE TRUTH ABOUT LIFE AFTER RECOVERY
As I tucked my 8-year-old in last night, he said, "Mom, this was the best birthday ever."
I realized—I was fully present. Not calculating cake calories. Not worried about photos. Not planning tomorrow's restriction.
That's the truth about life after recovery: You get the gift of being present for your own life.
You get to:
Show up fully for your kids
Build businesses from passion, not perfectionism
Love people without keeping score
Take up space without apologizing
Live without constant internal negotiation
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Your perspective can be the walls of your prison or the wings of your freedom."
💛 "Fear comes from inexperience, not incapability."
💛 "Dishonesty keeps you sick. Honesty sets you free."
💛 "You are the one you've been waiting for."
💛 "Every minute in your disorder is a minute you can't spend living your actual life."
💛 "You can't think your way to recovery. You have to live your way there."
💛 "When you recover loudly, you keep others from dying quietly."
READY FOR YOUR TRUTH?
If these lessons resonate and you're ready to discover what life after recovery looks like for you:
👉  www.herbestself.co - Apply to work together and create your own recovery transformation
Your life after recovery is waiting. It's time to live it.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 286.5: Why 'I'm Trying' Guarantees Recovery Failure ~The Neuroscience Every Woman Needs to Know **Must Listen Fav!**

If you've been saying "I'm trying to recover" for months or years, this episode will completely change how you approach your healing journey.
Today we're diving into the science behind why the phrase "I'm trying" is literally programming your brain for partial commitment—and why that guarantees you'l stay stuck. This isn't about willpower or motivation; it's about understanding how your language creates neural pathways that either support or sabotage your recovery.
In this game-changing episode, you'll discover:
The neuroscience behind why "trying" keeps you in limbo
How decision defaulting protects you from commitment (and healing)
Why your undernourished brain struggles with decisive action
The trauma response component that makes decisions feel dangerous
Two powerful exercises to shift from trying to deciding
Real client stories of transformation through decisive language
Warning: This episode will make you uncomfortable with your own excuses—and that's exactly the point.
THE DECISION DEFAULTING TRAP
Decision defaulting: When you avoid making definitive choices because not deciding feels safer than deciding "wrong."
Sound familiar?
"I'm trying to eat more"
"I'm trying to stop restricting"
"I'm trying to get better"
"I'm thinking about getting help"
Every time you say "I'm trying," you're leaving yourself an escape route. You're keeping one foot in and one foot out, protecting yourself from the vulnerability of full commitment.
The raw truth: Trying is just a socially acceptable way of avoiding responsibility for your choices.
THE NEUROSCIENCE OF "TRYING"
Dr. Carol Dweck's research shows: The words we use create neural pathways that either support or sabotage our goals. When we use tentative language like "trying," we're literally programming our brains for partial commitment.
What your brain hears:
"I'm trying to eat breakfast" = "I'm not really committed to eating breakfast"
"I'm trying to stop restricting" = "I'm keeping my options open to restrict if things get uncomfortable"
From a neurological standpoint: Definitive decisions require activation of the prefrontal cortex (executive functioning). But when you're undernourished or in chronic stress from disordered eating, this brain region is compromised.
Decision defaulting feels easier because it requires less energy.
THE TRAUMA RESPONSE COMPONENT
Many people with eating disorders have histories of choices being criticized, controlled, or dismissed.
Decision defaulting becomes a protective mechanism: If you never fully commit to a choice, no one can tell you your choice was wrong.
Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion shows: People who struggle with decision-making often have internalized critical voices that make them afraid of imperfection.
The eating disorder amplifies this by convincing you every decision must be perfect—so it's safer to not decide at all.
CLIENT STORY: BRITTANY'S BREAKTHROUGH
Brittany came to coaching after 3 years of "trying to recover." She'd been in therapy multiple times, bought every book, started and stopped countless times.
When asked what she wanted from coaching: "I want to try to finally get better."
The intervention: "Brittany, you've been trying for three years. How's that working for you?"
The realization: All her trying had actually kept her trying.
The shift: From "I'm trying to recover" to "I'm deciding to use my resources and trust the path."
The results: Within 6 months—weight restoration, rebuilt relationships, career changes she'd put on hold.
THE POWER OF IMPLEMENTATION INTENTION
Research by Dr. Peter Gollwitzer shows: People who use implementation intentions (decisive language) are 2-3 times more likely to follow through than those who rely on general intentions.
Instead of leaving actions up to willpower, you're pre-committing to specific choices.
THE LANGUAGE SHIFTS:
OLD: "I'm trying to eat regular meals"NEW: "I'm deciding to eat breakfast tomorrow, lunch at noon, dinner in the evening—regardless of how I feel"
OLD: "I'm trying to exercise less"NEW: "I'm deciding to take two complete rest days this week and limit exercise by 30 minutes"
OLD: "I'm thinking about getting help"NEW: "I'm deciding to talk to three support professionals this week"
WHY YOUR EATING DISORDER LOVES "TRYING"
Your eating disorder wants you to keep trying. It wants you in the wishy-washy space where you're sort of committed but not really.
As long as you're trying, you're not a real threat to its control.
When you start deciding—making firm commitments and following through regardless of feelings—that's when your eating disorder panics.
That's when recovery becomes inevitable.
THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL
Decision defaulting gives you an illusion of control:
You think you're keeping options open
You think you're staying flexible
You think you're being logical
What you're actually doing: Giving your power away to circumstances, other people, or the eating disorder voice.
Real control comes from making conscious choices and taking responsibility for outcomes.
CLIENT STORY: MARIA'S THERAPIST SEARCH
Maria spent years researching therapists but never booked appointments. She was terrified that choosing the "wrong" person would confirm she was beyond help.
The reframe: From "I need to find the perfect therapist" to "I'm deciding to take action toward support and will adjust as I learn."
Within a week: Started coaching. Within a month: Real progress.
None of this would have happened in decision default mode.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Trying is just a socially acceptable way of avoiding responsibility for your choices."
💛 "Every time you say 'I'm trying,' you're leaving yourself an escape route."
💛 "Your eating disorder wants you to keep trying—it wants you in wishy-washy space."
💛 "When you start deciding, your eating disorder starts to panic."
💛 "Decision defaulting feels easier because it requires less energy, but you're giving your power away."
💛 "Not choosing is a choice—you're deciding to stay where you are."
💛 "The power isn't in making perfect decisions. The power is in making decisions and sticking with them."
THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE: CHOOSE YOUR PATH
Option 1: The Immediate Action Decision
Choose one thing you've been "trying" to do
Write: "I am deciding to _______"
Take one concrete action within 24 hours
Option 2: The Support Decision
If you've been "thinking about" getting help, make a decision
Either decide to take action and schedule consultations
Or decide you're not—and stop torturing yourself with "maybe someday"
Both options require you to stop defaulting and start deciding.
THE BRAIN'S TESTING PHASE
When you make a real decision, your brain will immediately generate reasons to change your mind. This is normal—your brain is testing whether you're serious.
Don't negotiate. Don't revisit. Don't second-guess.
Just follow through and notice how empowering that feels.
👉 1:1 Coaching - Submit application at www.herbestself.co
Remember: You don't have to be enough. You never did.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 286: 5 Brutal Questions That Expose If You're Ready for Recovery (Or If You're Just Playing Small)

This episode is not for the faint of heart. If you're looking for gentle encouragement, skip this one.
Today we're separating the women who are serious about recovery from those who are addicted to staying stuck. You've been "working on recovery" for months or years, but are you actually DOING recovery or just playing small with your freedom?
This no-nonsense episode delivers:
5 brutal questions that expose your true commitment level
The uncomfortable truth about why some women stay stuck for decades
Reality check: What your eating disorder is really costing you
The investment mindset that separates premium clients from excuse-makers
Hard truths about readiness vs. action in recovery
The leap of faith moment that changes everything
Warning: This episode contains tough love and zero coddling. Listen only if you're ready to stop lying to yourself.
THE COMFORTABLE STUCK STORY
Sound familiar?
You know all the eating disorder terminology
You follow recovery accounts on Instagram
You can quote body positivity mantras
But you're still weighing yourself, restricting, body checking
You've made your disorder your comfort zone. You've gotten comfortable playing small with your recovery because staying stuck is easier than doing the scary work of breaking free.
Some of you are addicted to staying stuck. You love talking about recovery, researching recovery, listening to recovery podcasts—but you're not actually DOING recovery.
THE EXCUSES THAT NEED TO STOP
"I'm not ready yet." Wrong. You're never going to feel ready. Readiness is a feeling. Recovery is a decision.
"I don't have the money for help." But you have money for gym memberships to punish yourself, supplements, diet books, clothes you buy hoping to feel better.
"I'll start next Monday." Next Monday you'll have a different excuse. You negotiate with your disorder instead of fighting it.
"I'm different. My situation is unique." No, you're not. Your eating disorder wants you to believe normal recovery rules don't apply to you.
THE BRUTAL REALITY: 7 YEARS
The average person with an eating disorder suffers for 7 years before getting appropriate treatment.
Right now, while you're making excuses, your eating disorder is:
Stealing your relationships
Killing your career potential
Destroying your physical health
Robbing you of joy
Convincing you this half-life is enough
Every day you wait is another day the disorder gets stronger.
5 BRUTAL QUESTIONS THAT EXPOSE EVERYTHING
Question 1: What has trying to figure this out on your own gotten you so far? Because if it was working, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast.
Question 2: What's it going to cost you to stay exactly where you are for another year? Your health? Your relationships? Your dreams? Your sanity?
Question 3: Are you more committed to your excuses or your freedom? Because you can't have both.
Question 4: What would you do if you knew—KNEW—that in 6 months you could be free from this? Would you do anything differently starting today?
Question 5: Are you ready to bet on yourself, or are you going to keep betting on your disorder?
These questions separate the serious from the stuck.
THE REALITY CHECK
You've probably invested more in your car than in your freedom.
Real client example: "Lindsay, I calculated that I've spent $37,000 over three years on gym memberships, supplements, diet programs, and wellness retreats. And I'm still exactly where I started."
$37,000 to stay stuck.
Premium coaching? A fraction of that. For actual results.
When you say you "can't afford" help, you're saying you can't afford to get free. You'd rather keep throwing money at the problem than investing in the solution.
THE INVESTMENT MINDSET
Premium coaching: Financial investment that gets results in months.
Your eating disorder: Years of your life, thousands on ineffective solutions, medical bills, lost opportunities, damaged relationships, half-lived life.
The women I work with don't blink at my prices because they understand: The cost of staying stuck is infinitely higher than the cost of getting free.
They don't need payment plans because they're DONE. Ready to do whatever it takes.
TWO WOMEN, TWO OUTCOMES
Woman A: "I really want to work with you, but I need to think about it. Can we do a payment plan? I'm not sure if now is the right time."
Woman B: "I've been following you for six months. I'm done wasting time. When can we start?"
Woman B is free today. Woman A is still "thinking about it."
The difference wasn't their eating disorders or circumstances. The difference was their commitment to freedom.
WHO I WORK WITH
Premium clients are:
Done making excuses
Ready to invest significantly in freedom
Willing to do uncomfortable things consistently
More afraid of staying stuck than doing the work
CEOs, doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs who understand value
They don't come to me broken. They come ready.
They don't ask for discounts, don't need convincing, don't want to "think about it" because they've been thinking for years.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Some of you are addicted to staying stuck."
💛 "Readiness is a feeling. Recovery is a decision."
💛 "Every day you wait is another day the disorder gets stronger."
💛 "Are you more committed to your excuses or your freedom? You can't have both."
💛 "The cost of staying stuck is infinitely higher than the cost of getting free."
💛 "The difference wasn't their circumstances—it was their commitment to freedom."
💛 "Your eating disorder will fight for its life until you fight harder for yours."
THE MIRROR MOMENT
Look at yourself right now.
Do you see a woman powerful enough to build a career and achieve goals? Or someone powerless against food thoughts?
You're the same woman. The same strength that built your life can break these chains.
Stop treating yourself like you're fragile. Stop treating your eating disorder like it's bigger than you.
You've conquered harder things. You just haven't treated this like something you can conquer.
TAKE ACTION NOW
If you're ready to stop playing small:
👉 HerBestSelf.co - Submit your application TODAY
Limited spots available for private coaching. The application protects both of us—ensures you're ready, ensures I can deliver results.
Don't wait for perfect conditions. Don't wait to feel ready.
The woman serious about freedom doesn't wait. She acts.
Your eating disorder wants you to hesitate. You want freedom more than comfort.
Prove it.
READY FOR SUPPORT?
👉 Recovery Collective - Group support for women doing the hard, beautiful work together - www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective 👉 1:1 Coaching - Submit application at www.herbestself.co
Remember: You don't have to be enough. You never did.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
 

EP 285: The Unpopular Truth ~ You're NOT Enough & That's OK ~ Why Self-Love Culture Is Making ED Recovery Harder❤️‍🩹

This might sound counterintuitive, but this could be the most freeing message you hear this week.
If you've been told "just love yourself" or "you're enough, sis" and it feels like another impossible standard to achieve, this episode is for you. What if the pressure to love your body perfectly is just as exhausting as the eating disorder was?
In this raw, honest episode, you'll discover:
Why self-love culture can become another performance trap
The eating disorder's impossible "enough" promise that never delivers
How recovery culture sometimes creates new standards to achieve
Why you were never meant to be "enough" on your own
The spiritual foundation that changes everything about recovery
Permission to struggle and still be worthy
How to stop performing and start resting in your worth
For the woman exhausted from trying to earn her worthiness.
THE EATING DISORDER'S FALSE PROMISE
The voice in your head says: "If you can just be thin enough, disciplined enough, perfect enough, THEN you'll finally be worthy, loved, valuable, not rejected."
Sound familiar? This is how the eating disorder runs the show—convincing you that "enough" is something to achieve, earn, reach on the other side of a number on the scale.
So you chase it: Restrict food, track everything, exercise, weigh yourself, body check in every mirror. The disorder promises that if you just get "there," you'll finally feel enough.
But you never got there, did you?
Every time you hit a goal, the goalpost moves. "Actually, it's five more pounds. Actually, you should be more disciplined. You're still not there yet."
The disorder doesn't have an "enough" threshold—because if you ever felt enough, you wouldn't need it anymore.
THE RECOVERY PERFORMANCE TRAP
So you start recovery work. You listen to podcasts, learn about body image, challenge diet culture lies.
Recovery says: "Just love yourself. Accept your body. Be body positive. Practice self-compassion."
But doesn't it sometimes feel like another impossible standard?
Instead of being thin enough → love yourself enough
Instead of being disciplined enough → have good body image enough
Instead of performing for the disorder → performing for recovery
Self-love culture can become just as much of a trap as the eating disorder was.
Now you're not just trying to control your body—you're trying to control your feelings about your body. You're forcing yourself to feel things you don't feel yet. You're beating yourself up for not being good enough at recovery.
Same performance trap. Different words.
THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR WORTH
Here's what will ruffle feathers but needs to be said:
You're not supposed to be enough.
Your worth was established before you ever had a body to obsess over, before you knew what a scale was, before you ever restricted a meal or looked in the mirror and decided you weren't enough.
If you were enough on your own, you wouldn't need to turn and surrender to the One who created you.
God's love for you is already complete—not conditional on your size, progress, or ability to love yourself. It's already done. Finished.
THE SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION OF RECOVERY
Recovery isn't just physical, emotional, and mental—it's soul-based.
You weren't created to be enough on your own. You were created to need your Creator.
This means:
You can stop performing right now
You can stop earning worthiness through thinness
You can stop trying to be enough through perfect self-love
You're already loved, already worthy
You're not recovering TO become worthy—you're recovering BECAUSE you're already worthy.
One is striving. The other is responding.
THE PERMISSION YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
Today I'm giving you permission:
✅ Permission to not have it all figured out✅ Permission to not feel okay in your body today✅ Permission to struggle and still be worthy✅ Permission to be a work in progress✅ Permission to rest✅ Permission to not love your body perfectly
You might never feel completely in love with your body—and that's okay.
Your worth doesn't depend on how you feel about yourself. Your worth depends on how God sees you—and He sees you as loved, even at your worst.
BEYOND SELF-OBSESSION
Eating disorders are self-obsessed: Every thought about your body, food, weight, appearance.
Self-love culture can be equally self-obsessed: "I'm amazing, I'm enough, I can do all things."
What if instead of trying to love yourself perfectly, you remembered:
You have a Creator who knit you together
You're already loved by the maker of the universe
You can live for something bigger than body management
Freedom comes from getting your eyes off yourself—off the mirror, scale, apps—and living for something bigger.
THE RECOVERY REFRAME
You still need to do the work: Nourish your body, challenge ED thoughts, show up to therapy, get support.
But the reason you do the work changes.
Not to earn worth → Because you're already worthyNot to become lovable → Because you're already lovedNot to be enough → Because you're held by the One who is enough
KEY QUOTES
💛 "You're not supposed to be enough. You weren't created to be enough."
💛 "Self-love culture can become just as much of a trap as the eating disorder was."
💛 "You're not recovering to become worthy—you're recovering because you're already worthy."
💛 "Your worth doesn't depend on how you feel about yourself."
💛 "You can put it down—the eating disorder, the self-love pressure, the performance, all of it."
💛 "If you were enough, you wouldn't need a relationship with your Creator."
💛 "God doesn't make mistakes."
RECOMMENDED RESOURCE
📖 "You're Not Enough and That's Okay" by Allie Beth Stuckey
A game-changing perspective on worth, self-love culture, and finding your identity in something bigger than yourself.
TAKE ACTION
This week:
Rest in the truth that you're already loved
Stop performing for recovery
Give yourself permission to not love your body perfectly
Remember: You don't have to be enough because you weren't meant to be
READY FOR SUPPORT?
👉 Recovery Collective - Group support for women doing the hard, beautiful work together - www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective 👉 1:1 Coaching - Submit application at www.herbestself.co
Remember: You don't have to be enough. You never did.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 284.5: Why High Achievers Sabotage Their Own Recovery ~ You're Not Afraid of Failing (You're Afraid of Your Best Recovered Self)

Close your eyes and imagine your life without the fear of failure. Without feeling not good enough. Without controlling food and weight. What would freedom from your eating disorder actually look like?
If you're a high achiever who's successful in every area of life except recovery, this episode will change everything. You think you're afraid of failing at recovery—but what if you're actually terrified of succeeding?
This raw, honest episode explores:
Why accomplished women sabotage their own recovery progress
The difference between fear of failure vs. fear of success in healing
How playing small keeps you stuck in quasi-recovery
What you're really afraid of losing when you recover
Why high achievers struggle with "going all in" on recovery
How to stop arguing for your limitations
The mindset shift that creates fearless recovery success
For the high-achieving woman who crushes every goal except the one that matters most.
THE HIGH ACHIEVER'S RECOVERY PARADOX
You crush every skating goal, professional milestone, life achievement—second place was never good enough. You've checked all of life's boxes, earned the degrees, found the right partner, built the career.
But recovery? That feels different.
You thought you were trapped because you were terrified of failing. You wanted to do recovery perfectly, just like everything else. People were watching—would you land the jump or end up on your butt?
But here's the truth that changes everything: You're not afraid of failing. You're afraid of succeeding.
THE FEAR OF SUCCESS REVELATION
"It wasn't that I was terrified of failing. I had failed in my life, and I knew that whatever I set my mind to, I accomplished."
You know that if you set your mind on a goal, you accomplish it. This is the exact same willpower that became your eating disorder superpower.
But being afraid of success? That kept you in quasi-recovery—one foot in, one foot out.
Why success feels scarier than failure:
Saying you're afraid of failure allows you to play small
If you go all in, then you actually have to go all in
Inaction brings doubt and fear; action creates courage and confidence
Being fearful of failure keeps you "safe"
The real fear: What you'll have to become and what you must let go of in the process.
THE SELF-SABOTAGE PATTERN
Fear of failure keeps you from achieving goals because you do nothing. Fear of success keeps you from long-term freedom and threatens your dreams.
Are you terrified of letting go of your "current normal" to find your very best self?
What may frighten you most isn't what you'll have to DO to accomplish recovery, but WHO you'll need to become.
The sabotage shows up as:
Always procrastinating on recovery actions
Waiting for tomorrow to do what you want today (freedom)
Playing small instead of going all in
Staying mad at yourself for doing nothing
THE BREAKTHROUGH QUESTIONS
Reflection prompts to uncover your real fears:
Are you truly terrified of failure, or more terrified of succeeding?
What would successful recovery look like for you?
What do you want to achieve from your recovery?
What do you need to lay down in order to do just that?
Most people spend their entire life arguing for their limitations—you're not most people.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF SUCCESS
1. Start Small & Commit
Take one step, then the next
Proceed from pure intent
Write a letter committing to yourself: "Today I stop playing small"
2. Reframe Failure
When you fail, don't wear it as identity
Ask: "What is this teaching me right now?"
Coach yourself through setbacks
3. Embrace Uncertainty with Certainty
"The future is uncertain, but your success is certain."
Write this down, post it everywhere
Fall in love with recovering, with the journey, with the new you
4. Get Present with Possibility
"What if I do recover? What if I impact lives beyond my own? What if I'm actually creating my dream?"
5. Choose Fearless Success
The truth about becoming fearlessly successful in recovery: You decide you're going to be fearlessly successful by failing some days and stepping forward anyway.
THE SUCCESS MINDSET SHIFT
Stop arguing for your limitations. Most people spend their lives explaining why something won't work—you're not most people because you're listening to this show.
You want better and you deserve it. So don't be most people.
Create a life that actually works for YOUR life.
We were put on this planet to create—our Creator created us to create and do.
Are you doing, or are you sitting back waiting for life to happen to you?
KEY QUOTES
💛 "You're not afraid of failing at recovery—you're afraid of succeeding."
💛 "Being afraid of failure keeps you safe. Being afraid of success threatens your dreams."
💛 "What may frighten you most isn't what you'll have to do, but who you'll need to become."
💛 "Inaction brings doubt and fear. Action creates courage and confidence."
💛 "The future is uncertain, but your success is certain."
💛 "You become fearlessly successful in recovery by failing some days and stepping forward anyway."
💛 "Stop arguing for your limitations—you're not most people."
💛 "Fear of success keeps you from long-term freedom and threatens your dreams."
YOUR SUCCESS CHALLENGE
This week, reflect honestly:
Am I truly scared of failing, or am I more terrified of succeeding?
What would successful recovery actually look like for me?
What am I afraid of letting go of in the process?
Where am I playing small instead of going all in?
Then take ONE action step toward your recovery success—however small.
Stop waiting. Stop playing small. Your future self is counting on present you to choose success over safety.
READY TO STOP SABOTAGING YOUR SUCCESS?
If you're tired of playing small and ready to go all in on recovery:
👉 www.herbestselfsociety.com  - Join our private Facebook community👉 www.herbestself.co  - Apply for 1:1 coaching to break the self-sabotage cycle
You've crushed every other goal in your life. Recovery is no different—except you have to choose success over the safety of staying small.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
 

EP 284: Feeling Unsafe in Your Own Body? Still Fighting Food Battles? The 3 Recovery Foundations You're Missing

Feeling stuck in recovery? There's a reason why. Every woman needs three fundamental safes to heal: a safe place, a safe space, and safe faces. Without these, you're trying to heal in the same environment that contributed to your struggle.
The good news? You don't have to wait for these to appear—you can create them yourself.
In this episode, you'll discover:
Why your nervous system cannot heal when it doesn't feel safe
The 3 essential safes every woman needs for recovery
How to create a physical sanctuary that supports healing
Building community when recovery feels lonely
Identifying truly safe people vs. well-meaning but harmful ones
Why these safes are the opposite of isolation
Practical steps to build your safety net starting this week
Ready to create the foundation your recovery needs?
WHY SAFETY MATTERS IN RECOVERY
"Your nervous system cannot heal in the same environment where it learned to survive."
When you've been living with an eating disorder, your brain has been in constant survival mode. The outside world feels threatening, food feels dangerous, even your own thoughts feel unsafe.
Recovery requires safety—not just physical safety, but emotional, mental, and relational safety.
Without the three safes, you're trying to heal a wound while someone keeps picking at it. When you create safety, healing becomes possible.
THE 3 SAFES FRAMEWORK
SAFE PLACE: Your Physical Sanctuary
Your physical environment where you can retreat and recharge.
Examples:
A corner of your bedroom with soft lighting and cozy textures
A spot in nature where you feel peace
A quiet coffee shop where you can journal
Even your car with calming music
How to create at home:
Make one space completely yours
Remove anything triggering
Add nervous system soothers (soft blankets, calming scents, journal)
This is your refuge when the world feels too loud and your mind feels unsafe.
SAFE SPACE: Your Community Sanctuary
The mental and emotional headspace for recovery, often created through community.
Safe spaces are where:
You can say "I'm struggling" without someone trying to fix you
People understand the complexity without judgment
You realize you're not alone, broken, or crazy
You can practice vulnerability in a controlled environment
It can be hard to heal in the same environment where your disorder developed—building community of like-minded people to sit with you is crucial.
SAFE FACES: Your Support Network
People who know what's best for your future self and provide truly safe guidance.
A safe face:
Understands eating disorders are complex mental illnesses
Doesn't try to fix you with simple solutions
Loves you enough to hold boundaries for your recovery
Guides you toward your best self, not enables your disorder
Safe faces include educated therapists, coaches, dietitians, and carefully chosen family/friends.
CREATING VS. FINDING SAFETY
Empowering truth: You don't have to wait for safety to appear—you can create it.
Start small:
Safe Place: Claim one corner that's yours, make it a sanctuary
Safe Space: Join communities, create conversation boundaries
Safe Faces: Evaluate who feels truly safe, invest in those relationships
These safes build on each other—when you have one, it's easier to create the others.
THE OPPOSITE OF ISOLATION
Creating these safes isn't hiding from life—it's building the foundation to engage with life more fully.
Safe place = foundation for engagement, not escape from it
Safe space = building support to connect authentically with everyone
Safe faces = learning to trust yourself about helpful vs. harmful people
These aren't about hiding from recovery—they're about creating conditions where recovery can happen.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Your nervous system cannot heal in the same environment where it learned to survive."
💛 "Safety isn't a luxury in recovery—it's the foundation that makes everything else possible."
💛 "Your safe place isn't where you hide from healing—it's where healing becomes possible."
💛 "Healing happens in community. You were never meant to carry this alone."
💛 "Not everyone who loves you knows how to help you heal. Choose your safe faces wisely."
💛 "You don't have to wait for safety to find you—you have the power to create it."
💛 "Your future self is counting on present you to create the safety she needs to heal."
YOUR SAFETY EVALUATION
Honestly assess your current three safes:
Safe Place: Do you have a physical space where you feel completely at peace?
Safe Space: Do you have community where you can talk openly about recovery?
Safe Faces: Do you have people who support your recovery in educated, helpful ways?
If any are missing, that's your starting point.
TAKE ACTION THIS WEEK
Choose one safe to create or strengthen:
🏠 Safe Place: Set up a cozy sanctuary corner at home
👥 Safe Space: Join our private Facebook community at www.herbestselfsociety.com - Hope and Healing for Eating Disorder Recovery
👥 Safe Space: Join our Recovery Collective at www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective - intimate group support with ongoing chat between sessions
👤 Safe Face: Ready for professional guidance? Work with Lindsey for personalized recovery support at www.herbestself.co
Don't just listen—take action. What are you doing from this episode?
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 283: Are Eating Disorders Inherited? Supporting Men, Women & Families Without Making It Worse (A Candid Conversation Continued)

Following up on the incredible response to episode 281, this candid conversation dives deeper into the family dynamics around eating disorders. We explore the shocking truth that 25-40% of eating disorders occur in men, how generational patterns contribute to development, and most importantly—how to support your loved one without accidentally making things worse.
This raw, honest discussion covers:
Why male eating disorders are underdiagnosed and hidden
The truth about generational inheritance of eating disorders
How well-meaning support can push someone deeper into their disorder
What TO say and what NOT to say to someone struggling
Why "just eat a burger" doesn't work (and what does)
How supporting partners need support too
Breaking the generational cycle of diet culture
For anyone who loves someone struggling with an eating disorder.
THE MALE EATING DISORDER REALITY
25-40% of people with eating disorders are actually male (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders)
The gender gap is narrowing: Male diagnoses have increased by 50-70% in recent years
Male presentation differences:
Muscle dysmorphia (sometimes called "bigorexia")
Obsession with body size and muscularity
Never taking rest days, extreme exercise routines
Common in athletes: swimmers, wrestlers, bodybuilders
Why it's underdiagnosed:
Society associates EDs with being "weak" while men should be "strong"
Men less likely to seek diagnosis or treatment
Symptoms often dismissed as "wanting bigger muscles"
Cultural stigma prevents men from coming forward
The truth: Men face just as much societal pressure about appearance, it's just different pressure.
GENERATIONAL PATTERNS & INHERITANCE
What gets passed down:
How we talk about food, weight, and bodies
Food rules and exercise rules
Negative self-talk patterns
Diet culture beliefs
Environmental factors:
Behavioral modeling from parents
Childhood beliefs and values around food
Family attitudes toward bodies and appearance
The truth about "causing" eating disorders:
No parent, spouse, or person "causes" an eating disorder
It's a complex mental illness with multiple contributing factors
Some people are genetically predisposed
Childhood trauma (including "lack of trauma" perfectionism) can contribute
It's not something you can just "pick up and put down"
Kelly's story: Seeing her mom constantly dieting had the OPPOSITE effect—made her want to be healthy rather than restrictive. There's no guaranteed outcome from any family environment.
HOW TO SUPPORT WITHOUT MAKING IT WORSE
WHAT NOT TO DO:
❌ Don't police the food
No comments like "Did you eat lunch?" or "You shouldn't eat that"
Creates shame and power struggles
❌ Don't make it about you
Avoid: "You're hurting me by doing this" or "I can't sleep because I'm worried"
The person is already drowning in guilt—don't add yours
❌ Don't use fear tactics
"You're going to die if you keep this up" creates resistance, not motivation
"Look what you're doing to your body" doesn't help
❌ Don't say "just eat a burger"
This is a complex mental illness, not a simple food choice
Dismisses the psychological complexity
❌ Don't abandon them
The more you push, the more they'll isolate
Stay consistent even when you're frustrated
WHAT TO DO:
✅ Get educated about eating disorders
Understand it's a mental illness, not a choice
Learn about the complexity beyond just food
✅ Model healthy behaviors
Don't engage in the same restrictive behaviors
Show what normal eating looks like
✅ Simple, consistent check-ins
"How are you doing today? I miss you, I love you"
"I'm here if you need anything and I want to listen, not fix"
✅ Be the sounding board
Just listen without judging or trying to solve
Wait for them to come to you rather than pushing
✅ Consistency over time
Keep offering support even when they resist
"I know people who specialize in this—here are some names"
THE TRUTH ABOUT RECOVERY SUPPORT
Recovery isn't linear: People will have setbacks, might "leave" the ED and go back multiple times
The abusive relationship parallel: Supporting someone with an ED is like supporting someone in an abusive relationship—the more you try to make them see it, the more they isolate
Healthy boundaries for supporters:
You need self-care too
Consider therapy for yourself
Don't abandon your own life
Set limits on what you can give
What Lindsey's mom and husband learned:
Consistency over intensity
Practical support (cooking, being present)
Patience for the long haul
Getting ahead of triggers with accountability
BREAKING THE GENERATIONAL CYCLE
Practical shifts to make:
Name your own food rules
Write down all the "health" rules you follow
Question: "Is this really true?"
Be the lawyer arguing against the ED voice
Redefine "losing control"
Recovery isn't giving up ambition or becoming "basic"
You're reclaiming your drive, not losing it
Strong can be the new skinny (bridge thoughts work)
Check your motivations
Does this feel like obligation or choice?
Would I do this if I was alone on an island?
Am I judging myself for this behavior?
Remember what actually works
Your brain works better when nourished
Your body performs better when rested
Relationships thrive when you're present
Work improves when you stop obsessing about food
KEY QUOTES
💛 "25-40% of people with eating disorders are actually male—the gender gap is narrowing."
💛 "No parent, spouse, or person 'causes' an eating disorder. It's a complex mental illness."
💛 "The more you push, the deeper they go into the disorder."
💛 "Don't police the food. Don't make it about you. Don't use fear tactics."
💛 "Be the sounding board. Just listen without trying to fix."
💛 "Supporting someone with an ED is like supporting someone in an abusive relationship."
💛 "Recovery isn't giving up ambition—you're reclaiming your drive, not losing it."
💛 "Recovering from an eating disorder is the most audacious thing you can do."
YOUR SUPPORT CHALLENGE
If you're supporting someone:
Choose ONE helpful behavior to start this week
Get educated about eating disorders as mental illness
Practice just listening without trying to fix
If you're in recovery:
Write down your food "rules" and question them
Ask: "Would I do this alone on an island?"
Remember: You're not giving up your edge, you're reclaiming it
READY FOR PERSONALIZED SUPPORT?
If you're tired of navigating these recovery challenges alone:
👉 www.herbestself.co - Apply for 1:1 coaching support 👉 www.herbestselfsociety.com - Join our private recovery community
You don't have to handle triggering recovery moments by yourself.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol and find Jenna and Kelly on The Audacity Effect podcast to hear more!
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.