Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol | Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast — Less Food Noise. More Life.

EP 286.5: Why 'I'm Trying' Guarantees Recovery Failure ~The Neuroscience Every Woman Needs to Know **Must Listen Fav!**

If you've been saying "I'm trying to recover" for months or years, this episode will completely change how you approach your healing journey.
Today we're diving into the science behind why the phrase "I'm trying" is literally programming your brain for partial commitment—and why that guarantees you'l stay stuck. This isn't about willpower or motivation; it's about understanding how your language creates neural pathways that either support or sabotage your recovery.
In this game-changing episode, you'll discover:
The neuroscience behind why "trying" keeps you in limbo
How decision defaulting protects you from commitment (and healing)
Why your undernourished brain struggles with decisive action
The trauma response component that makes decisions feel dangerous
Two powerful exercises to shift from trying to deciding
Real client stories of transformation through decisive language
Warning: This episode will make you uncomfortable with your own excuses—and that's exactly the point.
THE DECISION DEFAULTING TRAP
Decision defaulting: When you avoid making definitive choices because not deciding feels safer than deciding "wrong."
Sound familiar?
"I'm trying to eat more"
"I'm trying to stop restricting"
"I'm trying to get better"
"I'm thinking about getting help"
Every time you say "I'm trying," you're leaving yourself an escape route. You're keeping one foot in and one foot out, protecting yourself from the vulnerability of full commitment.
The raw truth: Trying is just a socially acceptable way of avoiding responsibility for your choices.
THE NEUROSCIENCE OF "TRYING"
Dr. Carol Dweck's research shows: The words we use create neural pathways that either support or sabotage our goals. When we use tentative language like "trying," we're literally programming our brains for partial commitment.
What your brain hears:
"I'm trying to eat breakfast" = "I'm not really committed to eating breakfast"
"I'm trying to stop restricting" = "I'm keeping my options open to restrict if things get uncomfortable"
From a neurological standpoint: Definitive decisions require activation of the prefrontal cortex (executive functioning). But when you're undernourished or in chronic stress from disordered eating, this brain region is compromised.
Decision defaulting feels easier because it requires less energy.
THE TRAUMA RESPONSE COMPONENT
Many people with eating disorders have histories of choices being criticized, controlled, or dismissed.
Decision defaulting becomes a protective mechanism: If you never fully commit to a choice, no one can tell you your choice was wrong.
Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion shows: People who struggle with decision-making often have internalized critical voices that make them afraid of imperfection.
The eating disorder amplifies this by convincing you every decision must be perfect—so it's safer to not decide at all.
CLIENT STORY: BRITTANY'S BREAKTHROUGH
Brittany came to coaching after 3 years of "trying to recover." She'd been in therapy multiple times, bought every book, started and stopped countless times.
When asked what she wanted from coaching: "I want to try to finally get better."
The intervention: "Brittany, you've been trying for three years. How's that working for you?"
The realization: All her trying had actually kept her trying.
The shift: From "I'm trying to recover" to "I'm deciding to use my resources and trust the path."
The results: Within 6 months—weight restoration, rebuilt relationships, career changes she'd put on hold.
THE POWER OF IMPLEMENTATION INTENTION
Research by Dr. Peter Gollwitzer shows: People who use implementation intentions (decisive language) are 2-3 times more likely to follow through than those who rely on general intentions.
Instead of leaving actions up to willpower, you're pre-committing to specific choices.
THE LANGUAGE SHIFTS:
OLD: "I'm trying to eat regular meals"NEW: "I'm deciding to eat breakfast tomorrow, lunch at noon, dinner in the evening—regardless of how I feel"
OLD: "I'm trying to exercise less"NEW: "I'm deciding to take two complete rest days this week and limit exercise by 30 minutes"
OLD: "I'm thinking about getting help"NEW: "I'm deciding to talk to three support professionals this week"
WHY YOUR EATING DISORDER LOVES "TRYING"
Your eating disorder wants you to keep trying. It wants you in the wishy-washy space where you're sort of committed but not really.
As long as you're trying, you're not a real threat to its control.
When you start deciding—making firm commitments and following through regardless of feelings—that's when your eating disorder panics.
That's when recovery becomes inevitable.
THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL
Decision defaulting gives you an illusion of control:
You think you're keeping options open
You think you're staying flexible
You think you're being logical
What you're actually doing: Giving your power away to circumstances, other people, or the eating disorder voice.
Real control comes from making conscious choices and taking responsibility for outcomes.
CLIENT STORY: MARIA'S THERAPIST SEARCH
Maria spent years researching therapists but never booked appointments. She was terrified that choosing the "wrong" person would confirm she was beyond help.
The reframe: From "I need to find the perfect therapist" to "I'm deciding to take action toward support and will adjust as I learn."
Within a week: Started coaching. Within a month: Real progress.
None of this would have happened in decision default mode.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Trying is just a socially acceptable way of avoiding responsibility for your choices."
💛 "Every time you say 'I'm trying,' you're leaving yourself an escape route."
💛 "Your eating disorder wants you to keep trying—it wants you in wishy-washy space."
💛 "When you start deciding, your eating disorder starts to panic."
💛 "Decision defaulting feels easier because it requires less energy, but you're giving your power away."
💛 "Not choosing is a choice—you're deciding to stay where you are."
💛 "The power isn't in making perfect decisions. The power is in making decisions and sticking with them."
THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE: CHOOSE YOUR PATH
Option 1: The Immediate Action Decision
Choose one thing you've been "trying" to do
Write: "I am deciding to _______"
Take one concrete action within 24 hours
Option 2: The Support Decision
If you've been "thinking about" getting help, make a decision
Either decide to take action and schedule consultations
Or decide you're not—and stop torturing yourself with "maybe someday"
Both options require you to stop defaulting and start deciding.
THE BRAIN'S TESTING PHASE
When you make a real decision, your brain will immediately generate reasons to change your mind. This is normal—your brain is testing whether you're serious.
Don't negotiate. Don't revisit. Don't second-guess.
Just follow through and notice how empowering that feels.
👉 1:1 Coaching - Submit application at www.herbestself.co
Remember: You don't have to be enough. You never did.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 286: 5 Brutal Questions That Expose If You're Ready for Recovery (Or If You're Just Playing Small)

This episode is not for the faint of heart. If you're looking for gentle encouragement, skip this one.
Today we're separating the women who are serious about recovery from those who are addicted to staying stuck. You've been "working on recovery" for months or years, but are you actually DOING recovery or just playing small with your freedom?
This no-nonsense episode delivers:
5 brutal questions that expose your true commitment level
The uncomfortable truth about why some women stay stuck for decades
Reality check: What your eating disorder is really costing you
The investment mindset that separates premium clients from excuse-makers
Hard truths about readiness vs. action in recovery
The leap of faith moment that changes everything
Warning: This episode contains tough love and zero coddling. Listen only if you're ready to stop lying to yourself.
THE COMFORTABLE STUCK STORY
Sound familiar?
You know all the eating disorder terminology
You follow recovery accounts on Instagram
You can quote body positivity mantras
But you're still weighing yourself, restricting, body checking
You've made your disorder your comfort zone. You've gotten comfortable playing small with your recovery because staying stuck is easier than doing the scary work of breaking free.
Some of you are addicted to staying stuck. You love talking about recovery, researching recovery, listening to recovery podcasts—but you're not actually DOING recovery.
THE EXCUSES THAT NEED TO STOP
"I'm not ready yet." Wrong. You're never going to feel ready. Readiness is a feeling. Recovery is a decision.
"I don't have the money for help." But you have money for gym memberships to punish yourself, supplements, diet books, clothes you buy hoping to feel better.
"I'll start next Monday." Next Monday you'll have a different excuse. You negotiate with your disorder instead of fighting it.
"I'm different. My situation is unique." No, you're not. Your eating disorder wants you to believe normal recovery rules don't apply to you.
THE BRUTAL REALITY: 7 YEARS
The average person with an eating disorder suffers for 7 years before getting appropriate treatment.
Right now, while you're making excuses, your eating disorder is:
Stealing your relationships
Killing your career potential
Destroying your physical health
Robbing you of joy
Convincing you this half-life is enough
Every day you wait is another day the disorder gets stronger.
5 BRUTAL QUESTIONS THAT EXPOSE EVERYTHING
Question 1: What has trying to figure this out on your own gotten you so far? Because if it was working, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast.
Question 2: What's it going to cost you to stay exactly where you are for another year? Your health? Your relationships? Your dreams? Your sanity?
Question 3: Are you more committed to your excuses or your freedom? Because you can't have both.
Question 4: What would you do if you knew—KNEW—that in 6 months you could be free from this? Would you do anything differently starting today?
Question 5: Are you ready to bet on yourself, or are you going to keep betting on your disorder?
These questions separate the serious from the stuck.
THE REALITY CHECK
You've probably invested more in your car than in your freedom.
Real client example: "Lindsay, I calculated that I've spent $37,000 over three years on gym memberships, supplements, diet programs, and wellness retreats. And I'm still exactly where I started."
$37,000 to stay stuck.
Premium coaching? A fraction of that. For actual results.
When you say you "can't afford" help, you're saying you can't afford to get free. You'd rather keep throwing money at the problem than investing in the solution.
THE INVESTMENT MINDSET
Premium coaching: Financial investment that gets results in months.
Your eating disorder: Years of your life, thousands on ineffective solutions, medical bills, lost opportunities, damaged relationships, half-lived life.
The women I work with don't blink at my prices because they understand: The cost of staying stuck is infinitely higher than the cost of getting free.
They don't need payment plans because they're DONE. Ready to do whatever it takes.
TWO WOMEN, TWO OUTCOMES
Woman A: "I really want to work with you, but I need to think about it. Can we do a payment plan? I'm not sure if now is the right time."
Woman B: "I've been following you for six months. I'm done wasting time. When can we start?"
Woman B is free today. Woman A is still "thinking about it."
The difference wasn't their eating disorders or circumstances. The difference was their commitment to freedom.
WHO I WORK WITH
Premium clients are:
Done making excuses
Ready to invest significantly in freedom
Willing to do uncomfortable things consistently
More afraid of staying stuck than doing the work
CEOs, doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs who understand value
They don't come to me broken. They come ready.
They don't ask for discounts, don't need convincing, don't want to "think about it" because they've been thinking for years.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Some of you are addicted to staying stuck."
💛 "Readiness is a feeling. Recovery is a decision."
💛 "Every day you wait is another day the disorder gets stronger."
💛 "Are you more committed to your excuses or your freedom? You can't have both."
💛 "The cost of staying stuck is infinitely higher than the cost of getting free."
💛 "The difference wasn't their circumstances—it was their commitment to freedom."
💛 "Your eating disorder will fight for its life until you fight harder for yours."
THE MIRROR MOMENT
Look at yourself right now.
Do you see a woman powerful enough to build a career and achieve goals? Or someone powerless against food thoughts?
You're the same woman. The same strength that built your life can break these chains.
Stop treating yourself like you're fragile. Stop treating your eating disorder like it's bigger than you.
You've conquered harder things. You just haven't treated this like something you can conquer.
TAKE ACTION NOW
If you're ready to stop playing small:
👉 HerBestSelf.co - Submit your application TODAY
Limited spots available for private coaching. The application protects both of us—ensures you're ready, ensures I can deliver results.
Don't wait for perfect conditions. Don't wait to feel ready.
The woman serious about freedom doesn't wait. She acts.
Your eating disorder wants you to hesitate. You want freedom more than comfort.
Prove it.
READY FOR SUPPORT?
👉 Recovery Collective - Group support for women doing the hard, beautiful work together - www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective 👉 1:1 Coaching - Submit application at www.herbestself.co
Remember: You don't have to be enough. You never did.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
 

EP 285: The Unpopular Truth ~ You're NOT Enough & That's OK ~ Why Self-Love Culture Is Making ED Recovery Harder❤️‍🩹

This might sound counterintuitive, but this could be the most freeing message you hear this week.
If you've been told "just love yourself" or "you're enough, sis" and it feels like another impossible standard to achieve, this episode is for you. What if the pressure to love your body perfectly is just as exhausting as the eating disorder was?
In this raw, honest episode, you'll discover:
Why self-love culture can become another performance trap
The eating disorder's impossible "enough" promise that never delivers
How recovery culture sometimes creates new standards to achieve
Why you were never meant to be "enough" on your own
The spiritual foundation that changes everything about recovery
Permission to struggle and still be worthy
How to stop performing and start resting in your worth
For the woman exhausted from trying to earn her worthiness.
THE EATING DISORDER'S FALSE PROMISE
The voice in your head says: "If you can just be thin enough, disciplined enough, perfect enough, THEN you'll finally be worthy, loved, valuable, not rejected."
Sound familiar? This is how the eating disorder runs the show—convincing you that "enough" is something to achieve, earn, reach on the other side of a number on the scale.
So you chase it: Restrict food, track everything, exercise, weigh yourself, body check in every mirror. The disorder promises that if you just get "there," you'll finally feel enough.
But you never got there, did you?
Every time you hit a goal, the goalpost moves. "Actually, it's five more pounds. Actually, you should be more disciplined. You're still not there yet."
The disorder doesn't have an "enough" threshold—because if you ever felt enough, you wouldn't need it anymore.
THE RECOVERY PERFORMANCE TRAP
So you start recovery work. You listen to podcasts, learn about body image, challenge diet culture lies.
Recovery says: "Just love yourself. Accept your body. Be body positive. Practice self-compassion."
But doesn't it sometimes feel like another impossible standard?
Instead of being thin enough → love yourself enough
Instead of being disciplined enough → have good body image enough
Instead of performing for the disorder → performing for recovery
Self-love culture can become just as much of a trap as the eating disorder was.
Now you're not just trying to control your body—you're trying to control your feelings about your body. You're forcing yourself to feel things you don't feel yet. You're beating yourself up for not being good enough at recovery.
Same performance trap. Different words.
THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR WORTH
Here's what will ruffle feathers but needs to be said:
You're not supposed to be enough.
Your worth was established before you ever had a body to obsess over, before you knew what a scale was, before you ever restricted a meal or looked in the mirror and decided you weren't enough.
If you were enough on your own, you wouldn't need to turn and surrender to the One who created you.
God's love for you is already complete—not conditional on your size, progress, or ability to love yourself. It's already done. Finished.
THE SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION OF RECOVERY
Recovery isn't just physical, emotional, and mental—it's soul-based.
You weren't created to be enough on your own. You were created to need your Creator.
This means:
You can stop performing right now
You can stop earning worthiness through thinness
You can stop trying to be enough through perfect self-love
You're already loved, already worthy
You're not recovering TO become worthy—you're recovering BECAUSE you're already worthy.
One is striving. The other is responding.
THE PERMISSION YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
Today I'm giving you permission:
✅ Permission to not have it all figured out✅ Permission to not feel okay in your body today✅ Permission to struggle and still be worthy✅ Permission to be a work in progress✅ Permission to rest✅ Permission to not love your body perfectly
You might never feel completely in love with your body—and that's okay.
Your worth doesn't depend on how you feel about yourself. Your worth depends on how God sees you—and He sees you as loved, even at your worst.
BEYOND SELF-OBSESSION
Eating disorders are self-obsessed: Every thought about your body, food, weight, appearance.
Self-love culture can be equally self-obsessed: "I'm amazing, I'm enough, I can do all things."
What if instead of trying to love yourself perfectly, you remembered:
You have a Creator who knit you together
You're already loved by the maker of the universe
You can live for something bigger than body management
Freedom comes from getting your eyes off yourself—off the mirror, scale, apps—and living for something bigger.
THE RECOVERY REFRAME
You still need to do the work: Nourish your body, challenge ED thoughts, show up to therapy, get support.
But the reason you do the work changes.
Not to earn worth → Because you're already worthyNot to become lovable → Because you're already lovedNot to be enough → Because you're held by the One who is enough
KEY QUOTES
💛 "You're not supposed to be enough. You weren't created to be enough."
💛 "Self-love culture can become just as much of a trap as the eating disorder was."
💛 "You're not recovering to become worthy—you're recovering because you're already worthy."
💛 "Your worth doesn't depend on how you feel about yourself."
💛 "You can put it down—the eating disorder, the self-love pressure, the performance, all of it."
💛 "If you were enough, you wouldn't need a relationship with your Creator."
💛 "God doesn't make mistakes."
RECOMMENDED RESOURCE
📖 "You're Not Enough and That's Okay" by Allie Beth Stuckey
A game-changing perspective on worth, self-love culture, and finding your identity in something bigger than yourself.
TAKE ACTION
This week:
Rest in the truth that you're already loved
Stop performing for recovery
Give yourself permission to not love your body perfectly
Remember: You don't have to be enough because you weren't meant to be
READY FOR SUPPORT?
👉 Recovery Collective - Group support for women doing the hard, beautiful work together - www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective 👉 1:1 Coaching - Submit application at www.herbestself.co
Remember: You don't have to be enough. You never did.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 284.5: Why High Achievers Sabotage Their Own Recovery ~ You're Not Afraid of Failing (You're Afraid of Your Best Recovered Self)

Close your eyes and imagine your life without the fear of failure. Without feeling not good enough. Without controlling food and weight. What would freedom from your eating disorder actually look like?
If you're a high achiever who's successful in every area of life except recovery, this episode will change everything. You think you're afraid of failing at recovery—but what if you're actually terrified of succeeding?
This raw, honest episode explores:
Why accomplished women sabotage their own recovery progress
The difference between fear of failure vs. fear of success in healing
How playing small keeps you stuck in quasi-recovery
What you're really afraid of losing when you recover
Why high achievers struggle with "going all in" on recovery
How to stop arguing for your limitations
The mindset shift that creates fearless recovery success
For the high-achieving woman who crushes every goal except the one that matters most.
THE HIGH ACHIEVER'S RECOVERY PARADOX
You crush every skating goal, professional milestone, life achievement—second place was never good enough. You've checked all of life's boxes, earned the degrees, found the right partner, built the career.
But recovery? That feels different.
You thought you were trapped because you were terrified of failing. You wanted to do recovery perfectly, just like everything else. People were watching—would you land the jump or end up on your butt?
But here's the truth that changes everything: You're not afraid of failing. You're afraid of succeeding.
THE FEAR OF SUCCESS REVELATION
"It wasn't that I was terrified of failing. I had failed in my life, and I knew that whatever I set my mind to, I accomplished."
You know that if you set your mind on a goal, you accomplish it. This is the exact same willpower that became your eating disorder superpower.
But being afraid of success? That kept you in quasi-recovery—one foot in, one foot out.
Why success feels scarier than failure:
Saying you're afraid of failure allows you to play small
If you go all in, then you actually have to go all in
Inaction brings doubt and fear; action creates courage and confidence
Being fearful of failure keeps you "safe"
The real fear: What you'll have to become and what you must let go of in the process.
THE SELF-SABOTAGE PATTERN
Fear of failure keeps you from achieving goals because you do nothing. Fear of success keeps you from long-term freedom and threatens your dreams.
Are you terrified of letting go of your "current normal" to find your very best self?
What may frighten you most isn't what you'll have to DO to accomplish recovery, but WHO you'll need to become.
The sabotage shows up as:
Always procrastinating on recovery actions
Waiting for tomorrow to do what you want today (freedom)
Playing small instead of going all in
Staying mad at yourself for doing nothing
THE BREAKTHROUGH QUESTIONS
Reflection prompts to uncover your real fears:
Are you truly terrified of failure, or more terrified of succeeding?
What would successful recovery look like for you?
What do you want to achieve from your recovery?
What do you need to lay down in order to do just that?
Most people spend their entire life arguing for their limitations—you're not most people.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF SUCCESS
1. Start Small & Commit
Take one step, then the next
Proceed from pure intent
Write a letter committing to yourself: "Today I stop playing small"
2. Reframe Failure
When you fail, don't wear it as identity
Ask: "What is this teaching me right now?"
Coach yourself through setbacks
3. Embrace Uncertainty with Certainty
"The future is uncertain, but your success is certain."
Write this down, post it everywhere
Fall in love with recovering, with the journey, with the new you
4. Get Present with Possibility
"What if I do recover? What if I impact lives beyond my own? What if I'm actually creating my dream?"
5. Choose Fearless Success
The truth about becoming fearlessly successful in recovery: You decide you're going to be fearlessly successful by failing some days and stepping forward anyway.
THE SUCCESS MINDSET SHIFT
Stop arguing for your limitations. Most people spend their lives explaining why something won't work—you're not most people because you're listening to this show.
You want better and you deserve it. So don't be most people.
Create a life that actually works for YOUR life.
We were put on this planet to create—our Creator created us to create and do.
Are you doing, or are you sitting back waiting for life to happen to you?
KEY QUOTES
💛 "You're not afraid of failing at recovery—you're afraid of succeeding."
💛 "Being afraid of failure keeps you safe. Being afraid of success threatens your dreams."
💛 "What may frighten you most isn't what you'll have to do, but who you'll need to become."
💛 "Inaction brings doubt and fear. Action creates courage and confidence."
💛 "The future is uncertain, but your success is certain."
💛 "You become fearlessly successful in recovery by failing some days and stepping forward anyway."
💛 "Stop arguing for your limitations—you're not most people."
💛 "Fear of success keeps you from long-term freedom and threatens your dreams."
YOUR SUCCESS CHALLENGE
This week, reflect honestly:
Am I truly scared of failing, or am I more terrified of succeeding?
What would successful recovery actually look like for me?
What am I afraid of letting go of in the process?
Where am I playing small instead of going all in?
Then take ONE action step toward your recovery success—however small.
Stop waiting. Stop playing small. Your future self is counting on present you to choose success over safety.
READY TO STOP SABOTAGING YOUR SUCCESS?
If you're tired of playing small and ready to go all in on recovery:
👉 www.herbestselfsociety.com  - Join our private Facebook community👉 www.herbestself.co  - Apply for 1:1 coaching to break the self-sabotage cycle
You've crushed every other goal in your life. Recovery is no different—except you have to choose success over the safety of staying small.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
 

EP 284: Feeling Unsafe in Your Own Body? Still Fighting Food Battles? The 3 Recovery Foundations You're Missing

Feeling stuck in recovery? There's a reason why. Every woman needs three fundamental safes to heal: a safe place, a safe space, and safe faces. Without these, you're trying to heal in the same environment that contributed to your struggle.
The good news? You don't have to wait for these to appear—you can create them yourself.
In this episode, you'll discover:
Why your nervous system cannot heal when it doesn't feel safe
The 3 essential safes every woman needs for recovery
How to create a physical sanctuary that supports healing
Building community when recovery feels lonely
Identifying truly safe people vs. well-meaning but harmful ones
Why these safes are the opposite of isolation
Practical steps to build your safety net starting this week
Ready to create the foundation your recovery needs?
WHY SAFETY MATTERS IN RECOVERY
"Your nervous system cannot heal in the same environment where it learned to survive."
When you've been living with an eating disorder, your brain has been in constant survival mode. The outside world feels threatening, food feels dangerous, even your own thoughts feel unsafe.
Recovery requires safety—not just physical safety, but emotional, mental, and relational safety.
Without the three safes, you're trying to heal a wound while someone keeps picking at it. When you create safety, healing becomes possible.
THE 3 SAFES FRAMEWORK
SAFE PLACE: Your Physical Sanctuary
Your physical environment where you can retreat and recharge.
Examples:
A corner of your bedroom with soft lighting and cozy textures
A spot in nature where you feel peace
A quiet coffee shop where you can journal
Even your car with calming music
How to create at home:
Make one space completely yours
Remove anything triggering
Add nervous system soothers (soft blankets, calming scents, journal)
This is your refuge when the world feels too loud and your mind feels unsafe.
SAFE SPACE: Your Community Sanctuary
The mental and emotional headspace for recovery, often created through community.
Safe spaces are where:
You can say "I'm struggling" without someone trying to fix you
People understand the complexity without judgment
You realize you're not alone, broken, or crazy
You can practice vulnerability in a controlled environment
It can be hard to heal in the same environment where your disorder developed—building community of like-minded people to sit with you is crucial.
SAFE FACES: Your Support Network
People who know what's best for your future self and provide truly safe guidance.
A safe face:
Understands eating disorders are complex mental illnesses
Doesn't try to fix you with simple solutions
Loves you enough to hold boundaries for your recovery
Guides you toward your best self, not enables your disorder
Safe faces include educated therapists, coaches, dietitians, and carefully chosen family/friends.
CREATING VS. FINDING SAFETY
Empowering truth: You don't have to wait for safety to appear—you can create it.
Start small:
Safe Place: Claim one corner that's yours, make it a sanctuary
Safe Space: Join communities, create conversation boundaries
Safe Faces: Evaluate who feels truly safe, invest in those relationships
These safes build on each other—when you have one, it's easier to create the others.
THE OPPOSITE OF ISOLATION
Creating these safes isn't hiding from life—it's building the foundation to engage with life more fully.
Safe place = foundation for engagement, not escape from it
Safe space = building support to connect authentically with everyone
Safe faces = learning to trust yourself about helpful vs. harmful people
These aren't about hiding from recovery—they're about creating conditions where recovery can happen.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Your nervous system cannot heal in the same environment where it learned to survive."
💛 "Safety isn't a luxury in recovery—it's the foundation that makes everything else possible."
💛 "Your safe place isn't where you hide from healing—it's where healing becomes possible."
💛 "Healing happens in community. You were never meant to carry this alone."
💛 "Not everyone who loves you knows how to help you heal. Choose your safe faces wisely."
💛 "You don't have to wait for safety to find you—you have the power to create it."
💛 "Your future self is counting on present you to create the safety she needs to heal."
YOUR SAFETY EVALUATION
Honestly assess your current three safes:
Safe Place: Do you have a physical space where you feel completely at peace?
Safe Space: Do you have community where you can talk openly about recovery?
Safe Faces: Do you have people who support your recovery in educated, helpful ways?
If any are missing, that's your starting point.
TAKE ACTION THIS WEEK
Choose one safe to create or strengthen:
🏠 Safe Place: Set up a cozy sanctuary corner at home
👥 Safe Space: Join our private Facebook community at www.herbestselfsociety.com - Hope and Healing for Eating Disorder Recovery
👥 Safe Space: Join our Recovery Collective at www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective - intimate group support with ongoing chat between sessions
👤 Safe Face: Ready for professional guidance? Work with Lindsey for personalized recovery support at www.herbestself.co
Don't just listen—take action. What are you doing from this episode?
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 283: Are Eating Disorders Inherited? Supporting Men, Women & Families Without Making It Worse (A Candid Conversation Continued)

Following up on the incredible response to episode 281, this candid conversation dives deeper into the family dynamics around eating disorders. We explore the shocking truth that 25-40% of eating disorders occur in men, how generational patterns contribute to development, and most importantly—how to support your loved one without accidentally making things worse.
This raw, honest discussion covers:
Why male eating disorders are underdiagnosed and hidden
The truth about generational inheritance of eating disorders
How well-meaning support can push someone deeper into their disorder
What TO say and what NOT to say to someone struggling
Why "just eat a burger" doesn't work (and what does)
How supporting partners need support too
Breaking the generational cycle of diet culture
For anyone who loves someone struggling with an eating disorder.
THE MALE EATING DISORDER REALITY
25-40% of people with eating disorders are actually male (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders)
The gender gap is narrowing: Male diagnoses have increased by 50-70% in recent years
Male presentation differences:
Muscle dysmorphia (sometimes called "bigorexia")
Obsession with body size and muscularity
Never taking rest days, extreme exercise routines
Common in athletes: swimmers, wrestlers, bodybuilders
Why it's underdiagnosed:
Society associates EDs with being "weak" while men should be "strong"
Men less likely to seek diagnosis or treatment
Symptoms often dismissed as "wanting bigger muscles"
Cultural stigma prevents men from coming forward
The truth: Men face just as much societal pressure about appearance, it's just different pressure.
GENERATIONAL PATTERNS & INHERITANCE
What gets passed down:
How we talk about food, weight, and bodies
Food rules and exercise rules
Negative self-talk patterns
Diet culture beliefs
Environmental factors:
Behavioral modeling from parents
Childhood beliefs and values around food
Family attitudes toward bodies and appearance
The truth about "causing" eating disorders:
No parent, spouse, or person "causes" an eating disorder
It's a complex mental illness with multiple contributing factors
Some people are genetically predisposed
Childhood trauma (including "lack of trauma" perfectionism) can contribute
It's not something you can just "pick up and put down"
Kelly's story: Seeing her mom constantly dieting had the OPPOSITE effect—made her want to be healthy rather than restrictive. There's no guaranteed outcome from any family environment.
HOW TO SUPPORT WITHOUT MAKING IT WORSE
WHAT NOT TO DO:
❌ Don't police the food
No comments like "Did you eat lunch?" or "You shouldn't eat that"
Creates shame and power struggles
❌ Don't make it about you
Avoid: "You're hurting me by doing this" or "I can't sleep because I'm worried"
The person is already drowning in guilt—don't add yours
❌ Don't use fear tactics
"You're going to die if you keep this up" creates resistance, not motivation
"Look what you're doing to your body" doesn't help
❌ Don't say "just eat a burger"
This is a complex mental illness, not a simple food choice
Dismisses the psychological complexity
❌ Don't abandon them
The more you push, the more they'll isolate
Stay consistent even when you're frustrated
WHAT TO DO:
✅ Get educated about eating disorders
Understand it's a mental illness, not a choice
Learn about the complexity beyond just food
✅ Model healthy behaviors
Don't engage in the same restrictive behaviors
Show what normal eating looks like
✅ Simple, consistent check-ins
"How are you doing today? I miss you, I love you"
"I'm here if you need anything and I want to listen, not fix"
✅ Be the sounding board
Just listen without judging or trying to solve
Wait for them to come to you rather than pushing
✅ Consistency over time
Keep offering support even when they resist
"I know people who specialize in this—here are some names"
THE TRUTH ABOUT RECOVERY SUPPORT
Recovery isn't linear: People will have setbacks, might "leave" the ED and go back multiple times
The abusive relationship parallel: Supporting someone with an ED is like supporting someone in an abusive relationship—the more you try to make them see it, the more they isolate
Healthy boundaries for supporters:
You need self-care too
Consider therapy for yourself
Don't abandon your own life
Set limits on what you can give
What Lindsey's mom and husband learned:
Consistency over intensity
Practical support (cooking, being present)
Patience for the long haul
Getting ahead of triggers with accountability
BREAKING THE GENERATIONAL CYCLE
Practical shifts to make:
Name your own food rules
Write down all the "health" rules you follow
Question: "Is this really true?"
Be the lawyer arguing against the ED voice
Redefine "losing control"
Recovery isn't giving up ambition or becoming "basic"
You're reclaiming your drive, not losing it
Strong can be the new skinny (bridge thoughts work)
Check your motivations
Does this feel like obligation or choice?
Would I do this if I was alone on an island?
Am I judging myself for this behavior?
Remember what actually works
Your brain works better when nourished
Your body performs better when rested
Relationships thrive when you're present
Work improves when you stop obsessing about food
KEY QUOTES
💛 "25-40% of people with eating disorders are actually male—the gender gap is narrowing."
💛 "No parent, spouse, or person 'causes' an eating disorder. It's a complex mental illness."
💛 "The more you push, the deeper they go into the disorder."
💛 "Don't police the food. Don't make it about you. Don't use fear tactics."
💛 "Be the sounding board. Just listen without trying to fix."
💛 "Supporting someone with an ED is like supporting someone in an abusive relationship."
💛 "Recovery isn't giving up ambition—you're reclaiming your drive, not losing it."
💛 "Recovering from an eating disorder is the most audacious thing you can do."
YOUR SUPPORT CHALLENGE
If you're supporting someone:
Choose ONE helpful behavior to start this week
Get educated about eating disorders as mental illness
Practice just listening without trying to fix
If you're in recovery:
Write down your food "rules" and question them
Ask: "Would I do this alone on an island?"
Remember: You're not giving up your edge, you're reclaiming it
READY FOR PERSONALIZED SUPPORT?
If you're tired of navigating these recovery challenges alone:
👉 www.herbestself.co - Apply for 1:1 coaching support 👉 www.herbestselfsociety.com - Join our private recovery community
You don't have to handle triggering recovery moments by yourself.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol and find Jenna and Kelly on The Audacity Effect podcast to hear more!
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
 

EP 282.5: When 'You Look Healthy' Feels Like an Insult + 5 Strategies to Handle Triggering Recovery Compliments

Someone you love looks at you with caring eyes and says, "You look so much healthier now." And your stomach drops. Your ED brain hears: "You look so much bigger now."
You're not alone in this experience. This triggering moment happens to almost everyone in recovery, and today we're going to unpack why it hurts so much and what to do about it.
In this episode, you'll discover:
Why "you look healthy" feels like code for "you look fat"
The beautiful truth about what people actually see in your recovery
5 practical strategies to process triggering compliments without spiraling
How to reframe "healthy" beyond appearance
Why your brain interprets recovery compliments as threats
How to honor difficult feelings without acting on them
For the woman who wants to receive recovery compliments as they're intended—with love.
THE QUOTE THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING
"You look healthy. And by that I don't mean you look fat. I mean, your face isn't gray anymore. The circles under your eyes aren't so dark. Your lips aren't cracked and dry, and your hair isn't thinning and brittle. I mean, you seem more focused when I talk to you. You seem calmer, stiller, and quieter. You're easier to have a joke with. You laugh now, you're less anxious. There's life about you. It's in your eyes and your smile. It's in the way that you speak, and even in the way that you go about your daily tasks. You look healthy. You look happy and it really, really suits you."
This quote reminds us: Healthy isn't code for fat. It's about the light returning to your eyes.
WHY RECOVERY COMPLIMENTS HURT
When someone says "you look healthy," it triggers you because:
Diet culture made "healthy" code for weight/appearance (not actual wellbeing)
Your eating disorder convinced you taking up less space was the goal
You've tied your worth to your size for so long that any perceived change feels life-threatening
Recovery includes body changes and the ED voice fights against those changes
You're afraid of being truly seen for who you authentically are
The problem isn't the compliment—it's that your brain has been rewired to interpret certain words as threats.
5 STRATEGIES TO HANDLE TRIGGERING RECOVERY COMPLIMENTS
STRATEGY 1: The Pause and Reframe
When you hear "you look healthy" and feel anxiety rising:
Take a breath and pause
Consciously reframe what healthy actually means
Ask yourself: "What non-weight related improvements have people noticed?"
Create your own expanded definition of healthy that has nothing to do with size
STRATEGY 2: The Curiosity Approach
Instead of assuming you know what someone means:
Say: "That's interesting. What changes have you noticed?"
Often people are referring to your energy, presence, smile—not body size
This gives you accurate information about their actual compliment
Helps retrain your mind to consider interpretations beyond the ED narrative
STRATEGY 3: The Gratitude Pivot
Shift from appearance focus to function focus:
Think about what your body can DO right now, not how it looks
Example: "Today my body had enough energy to laugh with friends"
"Today my brain could focus on work instead of calories"
It's impossible to feel gratitude and hatred at the same time
STRATEGY 4: The Feeling Validation
Sometimes you need to acknowledge the pain:
Say to yourself: "This hurts right now, and that's understandable"
Text a safe person: "Someone said I looked healthy and I'm struggling with it"
Validate your feelings without acting on them
You can feel anxiety without restricting food
STRATEGY 5: The Recovery Identity Reminder
Keep a list of your recovery values and who you want to be:
"I value connection over isolation"
"I value energy to pursue my passions"
"I value peace with food over constant control"
When triggered, return to your bigger recovery WHY
THE TRUTH ABOUT PROGRESS
Using these strategies doesn't mean you'll never feel triggered by appearance comments.
Recovery isn't about never feeling difficult emotions—it's about building new pathways to process them.
First time someone said you looked healthy: You cried
Tenth time: You felt a twinge, honored it, let it pass
Eventually: You genuinely receive it as the intended compliment
Progress isn't linear, but it IS possible and inevitable if you keep putting one step in front of the other.
WHAT THEY'RE REALLY SEEING
The people who say you look healthy are seeing something real:
You coming back to life
A spark returning
Life coming back to someone they care about
You engaging with the world again
What if looking healthy is actually a sign that you're reclaiming your life? What if that glow is your authentic self shining through?
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Healthy isn't code for fat. It's about the light returning to your eyes."
💛 "The problem isn't the compliment—it's that your brain has been rewired to interpret certain words as threats."
💛 "You can feel the anxiety without restricting. You can notice the thought without believing it."
💛 "It's impossible to feel gratitude and hatred at the same time."
💛 "Validating your feelings doesn't mean acting on them."
💛 "What if looking healthy is actually a sign that you're reclaiming your life?"
💛 "Your recovery isn't about how you look. It's about how you live—freedom, peace, being fully present."
YOUR RECOVERY CHALLENGE
This week:
Write your own definition of "healthy" that has nothing to do with physical appearance
Share it with someone in your support system if comfortable
Practice one of the 5 strategies when you receive any appearance-related comment
Remember: Your recovery is about freedom, peace, and being fully present in your own life.
READY FOR PERSONALIZED SUPPORT?
If you're tired of navigating these recovery challenges alone:
👉 www.herbestself.co - Apply for 1:1 coaching support 👉 HerBestSelfSociety.com - Join our private recovery community
You don't have to handle triggering recovery moments by yourself.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 282: Why Am I Still Struggling with Food Noise When Other Women Seem Free? What You Need to Know So You're Not in the Same Place Next Year

Are you tired of watching other women seem effortlessly free from food noise while you're still trapped in the mental battle? Wondering why your recovery feels stuck while others have moved on?
The difference isn't willpower, perfection, or having it all figured out. It's two specific speeds that separate women who find lasting freedom from those who stay stuck for years.
In this episode, you'll discover:
The two types of recovery women (and which one finds freedom)
Why waiting to feel "ready" keeps you trapped
The speed of decision-making that shuts down ED negotiations
How to bounce back from setbacks in hours, not weeks
Why being terrified of staying the same motivates faster than fear of messing up
The 30-second decision rule that ends recovery paralysis
How to stop thinking your way into recovery and start acting your way there
For the woman who's tired of waiting around and ready to develop the speed that sets you free.
THE TWO TYPES OF RECOVERY WOMEN
Type 1: The Waiters
Waits to feel ready, motivated, sure she won't mess up
Sits in indecision for weeks, months, years
Spends 20 minutes negotiating with the ED voice about eating
Uses setbacks as evidence she's failing
Type 2: The Deciders
Acts fast even in fear
Not scared to mess up because perfectionism got her here
Makes recovery decisions in 30 seconds or less
Bounces back from setbacks at the next meal
Guess which one finds lasting freedom? The decider. Every single time.
THE SPEED THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS
NOT the speed of recovery itself - Recovery is a process. You can recover like the turtle (slow and steady) and still win.
The speed I'm talking about:
1. Speed of Decision-Making
How quickly you decide when recovery choices present themselves
30 seconds or less: "What would my recovered self do?"
Fast decisions shut down ED negotiations
2. Speed of Bounce-Back
When you have bad days (and you will), how quickly you reset
Hours, not weeks. Next meal, not next Monday.
Using setbacks as information, not identity
WHY SPEED BEATS PERFECTION
The woman who acts imperfectly but quickly beats the woman who waits for the perfect moment every single time.
Why? Because waiting IS a decision - you're deciding to stay where you are.
The eating disorder voice gets stronger in the pause. It gets weaker in the action.
You can't think your way into recovery. You have to act your way into recovery.
THE TERROR THAT MOTIVATES
Successful recovery women aren't afraid of messing up. They're terrified of staying exactly where they are.
They think: "What if I'm having this same internal battle with food a year from now? What if the noise is even louder? What if I waste another year trapped in this cycle?"
That terror motivates speed. They'd rather make a fast, imperfect decision than a slow, perfect one.
Speed creates momentum. Momentum creates freedom.
THE PRACTICE OF SPEED
Decision-Making Speed:
Set a 30-second rule for recovery decisions
Ask: "What would my future self do?" and act immediately
Remember: Imperfect action beats perfect inaction
Practice: "The recovered version of me would..." and do it
Bounce-Back Speed:
Develop a reset ritual for bad days
One bad moment doesn't erase all progress
Get back on track at the very next opportunity
Use setbacks as information, not identity
THE YEAR FROM NOW TEST
Imagine: It's exactly one year from today. Nothing has changed.
The food noise is still there—maybe louder. The internal battles continue. You're still waiting to feel ready, still taking weeks to bounce back from setbacks.
How does that feel?
If that terrifies you more than making fast, imperfect decisions—you're ready to develop speed.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "The eating disorder voice gets stronger in the pause. It gets weaker in the action."
💛 "You can't think your way into recovery. You have to act your way into recovery."
💛 "The woman who acts imperfectly but quickly beats the woman who waits for the perfect moment every single time."
💛 "Fast decisions shut down the negotiation."
💛 "They're more terrified of being in the same place next year than having one imperfect day."
💛 "Speed creates momentum. Momentum creates freedom."
💛 "The goal isn't to never fall down. The goal is to get up faster every time."
YOUR SPEED CHALLENGE
This week:
Practice decision speed: Next recovery choice = 30 seconds to decide. Ask your future self, make the choice, take action.
Practice bounce-back speed: When you have a bad moment, reset immediately. Not Monday. Not next week. Next meal.
Remember: You don't need more time or readiness. You need more speed.
READY TO STOP WAITING AROUND?
If you're tired of being in the same place next year:
👉 www.herbestself.co  - Apply for private coaching to develop the speed that creates lasting freedom
The woman who acts fast, even imperfectly, will be free a year from now. The woman who waits for perfection will still be waiting.
Your freedom is on the other side of fast decisions and fast bounce-backs.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:
💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.

EP 281: Smart Women, Stupid Food Rules ~ The Body Optimization Trap (A Candid Conversation)

What happens when three podcasters get together to talk about the intersection of professional success and disordered eating? Pure gold.
In this candid conversation with fellow podcasters Kelly Lewis and Jenna Kaitbenski we dive deep into why smart, successful women get trapped by stupid food rules and how corporate culture creates the perfect storm for disordered eating.
This raw, unfiltered discussion covers:
Why 73% of women in corporate environments engage in disordered eating behaviors
How the same traits that make you successful at work make you vulnerable to eating disorders
The shocking truth: only 6% of people with eating disorders are actually underweight
Why exercise addiction is the "acceptable" eating disorder
How your body becomes a project to optimize rather than a life to live
The mortality reality: eating disorders have the highest death rate of any mental illness
Breaking the "not sick enough" myth that keeps women trapped
For the smart woman who knows her food rules are stupid but can't stop following them.
THE CORPORATE-EATING DISORDER CONNECTION
The stereotype: Young, white ballerinas or models
The reality: Lawyers, doctors, corporate women, founders—high-performing women crushing it in their careers
Why high achievers are vulnerable:
Perfectionism, discipline, control, high standards
Ability to push through discomfort
"Results over rest" mentality
Everything becomes a metric to optimize
73% of women in corporate environments engage in at least one disordered eating behavior—restriction, excessive exercise, binge eating, or other control mechanisms.
THE OPTIMIZATION TRAP
"When everything becomes a metric you have to optimize, your body becomes a project. And projects can be controlled, manipulated, and perfected."
The progression:
Tracking steps, calories, macros
Quantifying your entire existence
Body becomes another business problem to solve
Rest becomes something to earn, not something you need
Productivity equals your value or worth
The cruel reality: The eating disorder voice will never say "enough." It will always demand more optimization, more control, more perfection.
THE "NOT SICK ENOUGH" LIE
SHOCKING STATISTIC: Only 6% of people with eating disorders are actually underweight.
That means 94% are at regular weight or overweight and still struggling with disordered behaviors.
What this creates: "In order to be considered sick enough, I have to prove it by losing weight"—which becomes another way the disorder tricks you into getting sicker.
The truth: Your next-door neighbor could be purging after dinner for 20 years at an average weight, and you'd never know.
THE HIDDEN COSTS
Beyond the physical damage (bone density, heart issues, GI problems, fertility):
Relationships suffer—you're not present, always obsessing
Time stolen—years of life consumed by food and body thoughts
Energy depleted—surviving on coffee and accolades instead of nourishment
Cognitive function—brain fog from inadequate fuel
Professional impact—who can perform at their best while malnourished?
Most devastating: "I missed my mom's funeral because I was trying to find a gym to work out"—the disorder makes you miss life itself.
THE IDENTITY SHIFT
Separating your voices:
Your best self (Lindsey)—operates with excellence, nourishes, rests
The eating disorder voice (Gina)—demands control, optimization, never enough
"Gina, sit down. Shut up. Not today. Lindsey is driving the bus."
Reframing your body:
From optimization project → to "her" deserving respect
From earning rest → to rest as requirement
From food rules → to body wisdom
From external metrics → to internal trust
THE CONVERSATION HIGHLIGHTS
On exercise compulsion: "Rest is bad. Rest is lazy. You mean you need to rest? It's this productivity that equals your worth."
On the never enough cycle: "At my thinnest, I hated parts of my body. It will never be enough."
On breaking free: "I now know when life gets stressful, my default is to not eat. But nourishment is non-negotiable if I want to be a peak performer."
On hope: "If you are alive and breathing, you can get out of this. There is another side. You are not stuck."
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Smart, successful women get trapped by stupid food rules."
💛 "When everything becomes a metric, your body becomes a project."
💛 "73% of women in corporate environments engage in disordered eating behaviors."
💛 "Only 6% of people with eating disorders are actually underweight."
💛 "Rest is a requirement, not something to earn."
💛 "Your body has done so much for you—it's time to respect her."
💛 "The eating disorder voice will never want you to recover."
💛 "It's so nice on the other side. You have a life waiting for you."
READY TO ESCAPE THE OPTIMIZATION TRAP?
If you're tired of treating your body like a failing business project:
👉 www.herbestself.co - Take the quiz to assess your relationship with food- Apply for 1:1 coaching to break free from food rules
Special thanks to Kelly Lewis and Jenna Kaitbenski for this vulnerable, important conversation.
You're not alone. You're not broken. And yes, you can get out of this trap.

EP 280.5: Before You Restrict, Binge, Purge, or Over-exercise ~ Ask These 4 Questions⚠️ **Must Listen Fav!**

Ever feel like you're one second away from a total meltdown? Like you're triggered to act on ED behaviors but don't know how to stop yourself? If you said yes, this episode is for you.
Eating disorders aren't about food—they're attempts to deal with emotions that manifest into unhealthy behaviors over time. When you find yourself wanting to restrict, binge, purge, or over-exercise, it's time to HALT and ask: What am I really feeling right now?
In this episode, you'll discover:
Why feelings aren't facts (but they tell an important story)
The HALT method: 4 questions to ask before acting on ED urges
How to identify your emotional triggers before they lead to behaviors
Why the only way out is through—and how to actually do it
The difference between your disordered self and your true self
A simple internal check-in that creates lasting change
Ready to stop ED behaviors before they start?
FEELINGS AREN'T FACTS
Eating disorders are attempts to deal with emotions:
Restricting makes you feel in control, successful, like you've conquered
Overeating soothes sadness and depression, stuffs down feelings
Purging/Exercise/Laxatives combat helplessness, give temporary control
The truth: These behaviors are learned coping mechanisms that can be unlearned. To change actions, you must change thoughts and feelings.
THE HALT METHOD: YOUR INTERNAL CHECK-IN
When you're triggered to restrict, binge, purge, or over-exercise, HALT and ask yourself these 4 questions:
H - HUNGER
Am I hungry?
When did I last eat?
How can I nourish my body right now?
A - ANGER
Is something extremely stressful happening?
Am I agitated, hurt, frustrated, or jealous?
What's outside my control right now?
L - LONELINESS
What's causing disappointment or grief?
Am I bored, sad, or upset?
Do I feel left out or isolated?
Do I need community?
T - TIRED
Is my body tired?
Am I sleeping enough?
Have I checked in with myself lately?
How can I gain energy today?
WHY THIS WORKS
This method helps you:
Pause before acting impulsively on ED urges
Identify your main triggers and create battle plans against them
Process emotions instead of using food behaviors to cope
See patterns in what consistently triggers you
The goal: Instead of turning to ED behaviors, turn to mindful processing of actual emotions and needs.
THE DEEPER WORK
Common underlying feelings:
Inadequate, insecure, not good enough
Need to belong, be liked, feel affirmed
Want to feel worthy and enough
The truth: This has nothing to do with food or your body—it has everything to do with what you're making it mean.
Where can you fulfill these needs in healthy ways? You're not wrong for wanting community, affirmation, or to feel enough. But using ED behaviors to meet these needs keeps you stuck.
KEY QUOTES
💛 "Feelings aren't facts, but feelings tell a story for our emotions."
💛 "Eating disorders are attempts to deal with our emotions that manifest into unhealthy behaviors."
💛 "The only way out is through—full blown surrender and actually doing the action."
💛 "To change your actions, you must change your thoughts and feelings."
💛 "What am I feeling right now? What emotion is driving me right now?"
💛 "You're more than enough because you are held, chosen, and free."
YOUR HALT PRACTICE
This week, when you feel triggered to act on ED behaviors:
HALT - Pause and time out
Ask the 4 questions - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?
Get curious - What am I really longing for?
Honor yourself - How can I meet this need in a healthy way?
Remember: You have the power to turn this around. You deserve peace, joy, and freedom.
This work isn't for everyone. It's for the sophisticated woman ready for deep identity work that most therapists don't know how to facilitate.
👉 www.herbestself.co - Apply for private coaching (mention this episode)
This isn't about managing symptoms. This is about becoming who you were designed to be before the eating disorder existed.
Connect with Lindsey:
🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
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💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!
Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.